Borrowed Time
by Nurse Betty Page
Summary: When timelines cross Clara falls in love with the Tenth Doctor - just as the Twelfth Doctor was planning to tell Clara of his feelings for her. But when he decides to let Clara stay with his Tenth self and alter his own painful memory of dying alone, the plan backfires disastrously as the Doctor's meddling buys his former self much more time to live than he was ever meant to have..
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note:**

**This story pairs 10xClara and also 12xClara in a love triangle. It's AU, obviously.**

**For the benefit of anyone who wants to troll/criticise via anonymous reviews saying 'they are not in character' and obsessing over non canon aspects, as a certain person has done since I wrote my first fic and consistently trolled me (which has been reported), be advised that AU means the characters will be slightly different and NOT canon because that is what AU means. Don't like, don't read.**

**For everyone else who appreciates my fics, enjoy – I have been away busy writing two books of my own and also been ill with a nasty virus and its great to have enough energy to write fiction again. I cant promise a chapter a day but I will try to get my writing speed up as quickly as I can. Bear with me :-)**

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><p><strong>Borrowed Time<strong>

**Summary:**

**The Doctor is in love with Clara, but yet to find the courage to break the ice and tell her how he feels. But after a chance meeting with the Tenth Doctor as time lines collide, he finds Clara is captivated by him – and later begins to ask questions about the Doctor's former lifetime.**

**When Clara learns his Tenth life ended tragically and that he died alone, she is deeply distressed to know this – and purely because he loves her, offers to have a hand in altering fate ever so slightly, allowing his Tenth lifetime a few more days so that Clara can keep him company until the end.**

**But what begins as a kind gesture to ease Clara's sorrow - and to alter his own memories of a lonely death - turns into something else when his attempt to alter the circumstances of his Tenth life's death backfires in an unexpected way – leaving the radiation poisoned Tenth Doctor with _much_ longer to live than first expected – and then Clara tells him she wants to stay with him until the end, but that end could be a long time coming, because the Tenth Doctor is now looking at surviving for another eighteen months...**

**The Doctor realises the price he has paid for buying this time will mean his own separation from Clara, and it dawns on him that he has made a big mistake because it seems Clara is determined to stay with the Tenth Doctor, and he knows he runs the risk of losing her to his former self.**

**Then consequences take a further unexpected turn when Clara tells him she is pregnant – and the Doctor must explain that due to the radiation that has damaged her lover's body, Clara's child will certainly suffer mutations.**

**As Clara vows to keep her child, the Doctor wonders if he has lost her to a former lifetime that will soon end, as he finds himself pushed out by her devotion to his dying former self.**

**It seems his gesture to offer Clara the chance to ease her sorrow and give himself better memories of a former death will backfire disastrously as he wonders if his decision to tinker with time will end with him losing Clara forever...**

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><p><strong>Rated T (For love scenes and also for dealing with highly emotive subject matter).<strong>

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><p><strong>Disclaimer: I own nothing at all this is me writing for love of my favourite fandom.<strong>

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><p><strong>Warnings:<strong>

**Several:**

**Adult discussions and themes, contains passionate love scenes as well as mentioning the highly sensitive subjects of the abortion/pro-life issue, terminal illness and euthanasia.**

**This fic is _not_ intended to be a debate/platform for the author's personal views or to spark a discussion on any of the above and any comments/reviews from readers intended to inflame others or cause offense will be removed.**

**It is a story, plain and simple, and contains sensitive subject matter. Do NOT read if any of these subjects cause distress. For the rest (majority) who can read a heavy emotional fic and enjoy the rollercoaster for what it is, read on. **

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><p>Chapter 1<p>

'Don't push too far  
>Your dreams are china in your hand<br>Don't wish too hard  
>Because they may come true<br>And you can't help them  
>You don't know what you might<br>Have set upon yourself...'

~ China in your Hand, T'Pau, 1987.

_It never should have happened._

The Doctor knew it, and he was pretty sure Clara knew it, too.

But it had happened, and he only had himself to blame:

Time lines had crossed.

That happened sometimes, it was a hazard of travelling all of time and space -eventually, the Doctor knew he would run into another version of himself.

And when he did, Clara had spent hours walking along the shores of a beautiful planet far from Earth, hand in hand with another Doctor.

He had watched from the balcony of the hotel, angry with himself for _not_ telling Clara just how much he loved her.

But _I love you _were quite possibly the three most terrifying words in the universe - at least, they were to the Doctor, who in his Twelfth incarnation was _not_ a hugger and definitely _not_ a man to easily show his feelings.

_But he ached to tell her._

_He ached to hold her too._

_He was in love with Clara Oswald._

And the Doctor did not know if or when he would now ever get the chance to tell her – on that day as he stood on the balcony and watched as she laughed and then embraced the man who walked with her along the shore.

That man she walked with, and then held hands with, was his Tenth self.

As he thought back to that lifetime and how easily he had handled his emotions back then, how easy he had found it to be warm and affectionate in those days, his twin hearts ached for all he could not be in this regeneration.

Then he remembered that the amber sun was turning a shade of crimson as it sank slowly on the horizon, looking huge and giving the illusion it was being swallowed by the gentle sunlit waters as evening beckoned.

_He would be leaving soon._

_Then Clara would come back to the hotel and..._

The Doctor gave a sigh.

This meeting with his other self had not helped him at all, Clara clearly liked him and now he felt as if the trip to this beautiful planet was turning into one big set back for his plans for her ad where she figured in the plans he secretly dared to dream when thinking of a shared future...

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><p>Down on the beach, Clara looked up at the tall man whose long coat billowed out behind him as the sea breeze caught his coat tails. That breeze ruffled his hair as well and he ran his fingers through it and looked at Clara and she smiled up at him.<p>

"This has been nice, meeting you like this," he said to her, "And I really wish -" he paused, looking out to sea as he gathered his thoughts, and then he turned his head and looked at her.

"I wish we could have met before – you know, before you met that future grumpy me up there, the one whose watching us from the balcony."

Clara turned towards the hotel and saw the Doctor step back out of sight and she felt a prickle of guilt and wondered why she ought to be feeling that way at all. They had only talked...there was nothing wrong with talking. And they'd held hands, nothing wrong with that, either...

Except that as she looked into his eyes she felt an ache in her heart as wishful thinking cut through reality, whispering to her of all that might have been in another time and place.

She looked down at the sand as she watched clear water run to shore and flow back again. It reminded her of the pull of time, of how he would step into his blue box just up ahead near the rocks away from the water, and he would leave, and they would never meet again, and she would go back to her Doctor and they too would go their own way, as if all were pebbles shifted about by the tide of time that carried them all.

Then a thought hit her as she looked into his dark eyes, and that thought came as something of a shock:  
><em>I could fall in love with this man...<em>

She wondered why that thought was so stinging with regret – she had her Doctor waiting for her back at the hotel, and lately their looks had lingered and the fondness deepened between them, sliding past friendship and into something beautiful yet so far, unspoken.

"I'd better get back," Clara told him, and although she had said it, in her heart, she didn't mean it.

"Maybe we'll meet again," the Doctor said, "Nothing is impossible." And he smiled and her heart ached all over again.

"I won't forget you," he said, and he leaned in to kiss her cheek.

Their eyes met, she turned her head, and then their lips touched. The kiss they shared lasted seconds, and then he broke off from it and stepped back. The sea rolled to shore turning sand and pebbles in a timeless rush and their eyes met one last time.

"Bye, Clara Oswald," the Doctor said, and then he turned away, walked over to his Tardis and went inside. Clara didn't watch as the police box disappeared, instead she turned back and headed for the path that led to the hotel, trying to forget about an afternoon meeting on the sand that she knew she would always remember.

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><p>"You looked like you were having quite a conversation with that other me," the Doctor remarked as she joined him on the hotel balcony and sat down at the table, "It looked like you were having a fascinating discussion – not that I paid much attention to the two of you down there on the beach." And his pale blue eyes darted from Clara to the setting sun as he spoke again, "But of course, he is gone, Clara. I my time line, he ceased to exist a long time ago. He's dead where we come from, he was me, two regenerations ago, a piece of my past."<p>

The he met he gaze, and he noticed her eyes were shaded by sadness as the setting sun threw its rays n to the balcony, making her hair glow with red highlights as far too much emotion showed in her eyes than he card to see, especially as that emotion was for an old version of the Doctor and not the man he was today...

"He's been dead a long time," he said, and he paused to sip a cocktail and then he set it down on the table, opened up two buttons on his shirt and smiled at Clara.

"So, what do you think of this place? Is this a nice place for us to relax? This isn't like the Orient Express. No mummies, no danger. Just you and me and a quiet weekend in a paradise resort -"

"_How did he die?"_

The Doctor blinked, focussed on Clara and reminded himself that tonight could pave significant in their relationship, and it was best not to snap at her about anything, even though he early disliked the notion of recalling any of his many deaths...

"Clara," he said as he looked at her across the table, "If you were capable of remembering moment of every time you died to save me, Impossible Girl – would you like to chat about it over a few drinks? Or shall we wait for dinner tonight, and you can tell me which was your favourite death, which one was the least painful. Or shall we start with the worst one, the one that's going to give you bad dreams if you talk about it? "

Clara's eyes widened in surprise.

"I was only asking -"

"Why would you want to know that? I've died many times and I remember all my deaths. It's not exactly a happy subject to drag up, is it?"

Hurt reflected in his eyes and then it was gone and Clara felt awkward.

"Sorry," she said, and she reached for her drink but then changed her mind as she looked across the table at him.

"I didn't think of it that way, how it would bring up painful memories. I didn't mean to do that to you."

He sipped his own drink and set it down again, watched the waves roll to shore in the distance and then looked back at her.

_"Radiation poisoning."_

This time there was not a flicker of discomfort in his blue gaze.

"A massive dose," he continued, "I was in a situation and perhaps if I was the man I am today I would have not stepped into that booth to spare the life of an old human, maybe I would have said _too late for him, sorry._ But I wasn't so hardened back then. I took the dose and it was terribly painful and then, I made sure everyone I'd known in that lifetime was okay, I looked them all up before the end."

"That was a really kind thing to do."

"And then I went back to the Tardis. I can still remember my last words, I said , I don't want to go...and then he died and regenerated into the Doctor you first met – bow tie boy. The rest you know, here I am today."

And he sipped his drink and put it down again.

Clara had not touched her drink as she sat there deep in thought, recalling the handsome man she had just walked with on the beach.

"You remember dying?" she said quietly, and he nodded, and it shocked her to see his eyes had misted with tears. He quickly wiped them away and carried on speaking, being sure to avoid meeting her gaze again until his emotions were under control once more.

"I'm sorry if I upset you -"

"No, you didn't upset me, Clara. But it's never easy recalling the end. The one thing that stays with me more than anything is remembering I didn't want to go, I wasn't ready to die. And..." he paused, she thought she saw a flicker of pain in his eyes, and then it was gone as he added, "And I didn't want to die alone. That was the worst part."

Then it was his turn to feel surprised as he saw such deep pain in Clara's expression that it made his own hearts ache sharply.

"But that was the past. Leave it the past."

_"I can't."_

His blue eyes widened in surprise.

"Excuse me? I think you _can_ leave my past alone if I ask you to, I didn't even know you back then. I'd yet to live my eleventh life and find my Impossible Girl. I'm in my Twelfth life now. That's a lot of distance between then and now. Leave the past alone."

Clara looked down at the table, then she ran her fingers though her hair and the sunset caught on it and made it shimmer and the Doctor wondered why he felt so emotional all of a sudden.

"But..." she met his gaze, "Don't you think it would be better if you could change that? If you could die with someone there beside you? It would make his death less painful and your memories a little better?"

The Doctor looked at her with interest. Now she was mentioning his own advantage to be gained by changing it, he was starting to warm to the idea.

"Maybe I'm selfish to say this but I'd love to rewrite that chapter of my past," he admitted, "I doubt if the memory would carry through after the regeneration because my body was so wrecked by the radiation – but I'd certainly recall it now, as me – I know because I recall dying alone and if you was there beside me I know I'd keep that memory. You're right, less pain for me. _Good idea_."

Clara's eyes widened.

"You're agreeing with me?"

"Yes, I am." He rose from his seat and held out his hand to her. Clara got up too and as she took hold of his hand and their eyes met, the silence that passed between them seemed to be begging for something to be said, something about their closeness and what it meant, but then the moment was gone as the Doctor led her over to the Tardis, the blue box was in the corner of the living room area of their holiday apartment and he opened the door and led her inside.

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><p>"This is not how I planned to send the evening," he admitted as the door closed behind them, "But you do have a point about making a better memory for me. And if I'm honest about it, I'd rather have you there than anyone else, especially at a time like that."<p>

And he let go of her hand and she wanted him to take hold of it again, she ached for his touch and wanted to say something about how she longed to be closer to him, but now he was at the console and his back was turned as he began to key in some co ordinates.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like?"

He still had his back to her.

"It looks like we're leaving?"

"I'm linking to the other Tardis. I need to lock on to the right time and place."

Then something flashed on the console and as Clara stepped closer she watched as the Doctor hit a button and a hidden panel slid back. What was inside it looked like some kind of a gun, but it was unlike anything she had ever seen before – it had a short narrow barrel and a silver trigger. The Doctor's hand shook as he removed it from the panel.

"Doctor?" she said, wondering why he had just broken out into a sweat.

"This is going to hurt," he told her, "I'm basically going to give my other self a shot of something he needs, it will buy him some time – enough time for you to get over to him and make sure I don't die alone. Who knows, it might even give him a couple of days," he laughed nervously and his fingers trembled as he typed something on to a keypad and then waited for the print out to complete.

"I'm going to put something into that open unit on the console," he sad to her indicating to where he had taken the gun from, "Then I need you to throw the lever and send it and the Tardis to the right point in time and space."

"Why can't you do it?" Clara asked.

The Doctor pressed the gun to his hip and pulled the trigger. There was a loud snap and he gave a gasp of pain and sank to the floor, shaking and sweating as he reached below the butt of the gun and drew out a syringe made of glass and polished silver.

"Take it!" he gasped, and Clara took it from his shaking hand and placed it back in the open unit, then she threw the lever and the Tardis groaned and whooshed and fell silent once more.

She had many questions, especially as the syringe had now vanished from the open compartment, but only one question was uppermost on her mind as she looked down at the Doctor, who was on the floor, leaning against the console and breathless and sweating as he clutched at his aching hip.

"What did you just do?" she asked him.

The Doctor looked up at her as more sweat ran down his face.

"I just extracted some of my own bone marrow. It will buy the other me some time... You'd better go. I'm, a Time Lord, I can get over this quickly...just go to him..."

But Clara stood where she was, leaning over the Doctor as she looked at him in alarm.

"I can't leave you like this – you're in agony!"

Defiance shone in his blue eyes, along with a hint of impatience that suggested he was growing weary of her concern.

"Will you just do as I ask, Clara? You didn't want me to die alone – I don't want that memory either - so get out of here and make me a_ better_ memory, please!"

Clara hesitated.

"I need to be sure you're okay – Let me help you up, put you to bed -"

"That is not the way I'd planned it," he said and more sweat ran down his face as he laughed and Clara looked at him in confusion.

"Planned what?" she asked him.

"That's for another time. Get out of here."

Still she lingered.

"I'm worried about you."

He gave a sigh.

"I'm not sure which is harder to bear, your refusal to follow instructions, or the pain in my hip! Get out of here, Clara – go to him, _don't_ let me die alone!"

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><p>The Tenth Doctor had not heard the sound of another Tardis landing within this one, far up in the corridor beyond. He was standing alone in the console room as pain coursed through a body that radiation had damaged beyond repair, and he knew the end was coming.<p>

"I don't want to go..." he had whispered as tear ran down his face.

And then it had appeared on the console – a split second before the fires of regeneration had started to swirl deep inside him. He snatched it up and looked at it, blinked to clear blurred vision as he fought against weakens and read the message attached to the syringe:

_Some more time for you - Inject me - sincerely, The Doctor._

He looked at the ornate silver that covered the glass syringe – its style was decidedly Time Lord and he had no time to think about it, because he knew he was dying. He gripped the syringe tightly and plunged it downwards, the needle hit bone as he injected the contents, and then, with the needle still stuck through the fabric of his suit and lodged firmly in his hip, he fell to the floor of the console room, knocked out cold by pain and weakness, but he definitely had his wish:

_He hadn't wanted to go._

_And now he wasn't going anywhere, at least, not for a while..._


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Clara was still standing over the Doctor.

"I don't want to leave you on the floor!"

The Doctor reached up and grabbed at the edge of the console and the pain that shot through his hip made him catch his breath, but he got to his feet, then leaned heavily on the console and met her gaze with anger smouldering in his eyes.

"There you go, boss," he said in a low voice, "I'm up. Now _GO_!"

He caught a startled look in her eyes and guessed she had not expected him to speak to her so sharply.

"Fine," she said, "You'll just have to look after yourself." And she turned and walked towards the Tardis door. When she reached it, she looked back.

The Doctor forced a smile.

"I'll be with you soon," he promised, and then she left the Tardis, and he gave into the pain and sank to the floor again, taking deep breaths as he fought off the bone-deep aches that shot through a hip that was not ready to bear his weight. He drew in another slow breath and fought against more pain and rising impatience as he waited for the pain to fade, so he could join Clara and find out exactly what his try to change the past had achieved – he was getting a very strange feeling, almost as if time was..._rewriting_ itself?

It was too soon to pull out altered memories, but something was changing – and a feeling was creeping over him that perhaps, this attempt to change a unpleasant memory had _not_ been the wisest course of action, but he was yet to work out _why_...

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><p>Clara had barely taken in the sight of the Tardis, looking very different to the one she was used to – she had walked down the corridor, heading for the console room with a feeling of dread weighing heavy in her heart.<p>

She wondered if she had wasted too much time, and if she would walk in there and find him dying, or even worse, already regenerated – he wasn't meant to know her in his Eleventh life yet...

And then she thought of her Doctor, that older man in the dark suit with the crimson lining, a man whose past she desperately wanted to change to spare him the recollection of dying alone... She knew it was more than that, she had met his Tenth self and yes, there had been an attraction that was undeniable – but there was more and she couldn't explain it. She wanted to pull him into her arms and hold him tightly, as if holding him so tightly would keep the life inside of him and stop him from dying

_Clara knew she didn't have that power. _

And as she went into the console room, she caught her breath, shocked at the sight of the Tenth Doctor, on the floor, on his side with the syringe still sticking out of his hip and through the fabric of his suit, where a small blood stain was starting to spread.

Clara dropped to her knees beside him. He was still breathing, his skin shone with sweat and his eyes were closed. She pulled out the needle and felt mildly sick as the memory of how deep that needle had stuck into bone stayed with her – she had to tug hard to get it out and now he was still bleeding from the site of the injection, but at least the bleeding seemed minor.

He suddenly drew in a sharp breath and rolled on to his back. Then his eyes opened and he looked up and saw her leaning over him.

"Am I still here?"

He sounded dazed.

She nodded.

"Have I changed?" he asked her.

She shook her head.

The Doctor paused to draw in another breath and then he rubbed at his aching hip and felt something wet and sticky on his palm, and it was then he saw the blood.

"What was in that needle?"

"Bone marrow."

He looked up at the Tardis ceiling as he gathered his thoughts and realised he felt weak and pain still nagged deeply at his bones.

"Thank you, tell him thank you – the other me who did this – but it _won't_ be enough to save me. I'm still dying, just not at this moment."

And then he sat up and cried out sharply as pain hit him again.

Clara placed her hands on his shoulders to steady him. He looked into her eyes and smiled and suddenly she was back on that beach, in her memory, on a day before the radiation had wrecked his body.

"I think I can stand up!" he said brightly, "I might need some help, though."

Clara helped him up and for a moment he leaned heavily on her, then he took a step back and leaned against the wall of the Tardis. He was breathless from the effort and he closed his eyes as he slowed his breathing and got it under control again.

"I'm here to help," Clara said, "I didn't want you to die alone and the Doctor thought it might be a good idea to change that memory, for his sake – so he sent me back here."

"Your Doctor sounds very keen to look after his own interests. Of course that makes sense, I wouldn't expect another version of me to reach back and do a favour for nothing!"

He had finally got his breath back, and he turned his head and looked at her as he leaned against the wall. Clara's eyes widened as all compassion briefly left her gaze.

"No, it's not like that! You're making him out to sound selfish, he's not! He's you, another version of you from the future and he wanted to change how you died, for your sake and his."

"And yours?" he asked her softly.

He had her in his gaze and she felt held there, and now lying was impossible.

"He knew I wanted to make it easier for you."

"_Is he in love with you?"_

She wasn't sure why that question gave her such a jolt.

"I...I don't know. I'm very close to him, but if he is, he hasn't said so."

The Doctor smiled again and his eyes sparkled in a way that seemed to defy the radiation that was slowly killing him.

"I wouldn't blame him - I'd find you very easy to fall in love with."

His remark had been stated with naked honesty, and for a moment Clara just looked at him unsure of what to say. She suddenly felt torn between both men, even though she knew they were both the Doctor, and that she had feelings for both versions of him. But did that matter right now, as nothing had been said between her and the older Doctor who she had grown so close to? Did it really matter now, as she stood here in this other Tardis with this younger man whose time was so limited?

She had no answer to those questions, but as she looked into his dark eyes and he smiled again, her heart warmed through with affection that was starting to turn as a powerful wave driven by a tide that ran towards feelings of love.

"I'm starting to feel better already!" he announced, and then he stepped away from the wall and went over to the console, where he input some data and watched a small screen.

"I wonder how long I've got..." he murmured, and Clara stood next to him also watching the screen as the Tardis analysed his condition.

And as they watched the screen, neither saw the Twelfth Doctor enter the console room. He walked stiffly over to the console and stood at a distance, watching and waiting for the result to come through, guessing he had bought his former self maybe a few extra hours and no more...

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><p>The result came up on the screen.<p>

Clara stared at it wondering if she had read it wrong, and then she read it again and still wondered.

The Tenth Doctor put on his glasses and looked at the result on the screen,and as he read it out, there was no misunderstanding:

_"My condition is terminal due to the radiation – I knew that...but according to this, I've got eighteen months to live."_

He looked to Clara and smiled as hope shone in his eyes.

"It's better than nothing."

"_How long?"_

They turned from the console. As the tall, thin grey haired man in a dark suit with crimson lining walked over to join them, the younger Doctor knew at once he was looking at another version of himself.

"You're me?"

"I certainly am," the Doctor replied, "And _you_ should have been dead and regenerated fifteen minutes ago. Instead you're still here – and that shot wasn't meant to give you more than a few hours."

The two Doctors stood facing each other, and Clara watched, wondering why there seemed to be such animosity between them all of a sudden.

"I wanted to thank you for saving my life -"

"I didn't save you," the Twelfth Doctor said sharply, "I bought you some time – just a bit more time than I expected. Don't get too excited about this – you're _still_ dying."

The younger Doctor took off his glasses and paused for thought.

"And you have no concerns about the time line because you're still here, which means one day I regenerate and become you -"

"No," he replied, "You have an Eleventh life before you become me. But you're right, I'm still here even though you're now around for much longer than you should have been, so perhaps there's no damage to the ultimate outcome. Let's hope I'm right."

Then he looked to Clara.

"I have no idea what happens next because this has just become a grey area – time is changing and I have no clue how this will end. He's got eighteen months, that means eighteen months of memories for me and I hope they will turn out to be good ones. I_ really_ don't want to suddenly be hit with a stream of memories of the terrible pain of a long and drawn out demise. You wanted to stay with him, so stay. Try and make this time a happy memory for_ me_, Clara - I don't want more emotional baggage."

Clara stared at him.

"That's possibly the most cold hearted thing you've ever said."

"I'm thinking of myself," he told her, indicating to his younger incarnation,"What he goes through, _I_ remember. Maybe it does sound cold hearted but I have to live with the consequences of this," he paused, looking to the Tenth Doctor as he continued: "My former life – your next, your Eleventh, will have no memory of any of this, Doctor. The pain and the suffering you will go through trying to stay alive will wipe out all recollection of your last months. But those memories will soon kick back in when _I_ come along. _I'm_ the one who has to carry it. I can feel it starting already and I _don't_ like it."

The Tenth Doctor's eyes darkened as he looked at the future version of himself and as pain flickered through his body, he drew in a slow breath and met his gaze and replied in a calm and measured tone:

"It sounds like you wanted to cut a corner and missed by a mile. You wanted to wipe out a memory and instead you've made a new set and you don't know how it will turn out. Well, that works both ways, _I_ don't know how it will go for me – except I'm sure I'm dying, that's_ all_ I can be sure of. I think we should agree to disagree on the right and wrong of the matter and shake hands on it. After all, you have bought me some time."

The Doctor stood there with his hands in the pockets of his dark jacket, pulling back on it as crimson lining flashed deep red beneath the Tardis lighting.

"I have to go and do something important," he said, "I'll be back soon."

"Where are you going?" he heard Clara say, but he gave no reply as he turned his back and walked out of the console room and headed back to his own Tardis.

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><p>As Clara stood beside this younger version of the Doctor who made her feel so warm in her heart, she felt she ought to apologise for her Doctor's attitude, if only because she understood him so well.<p>

"He didn't mean to sound so harsh," she told him, "It's just that he wasn't expecting to have given you so much time...I think it was a bit of a shock."

"And I think he's in love with you," he replied, and as she looked into his eyes her heart ached.

"I've already decided," she replied, "I'm staying here with you, because you need me."

_"Maybe he needs you too."_

"He's not dying. I know this won't be easy for you – and like he said, he wants better memories. He told me, he remembered your lifetime, he remembered dying alone. It was painful. He wanted to change that more than anything."

The Doctor hesitated. He still felt lousy, but no where near close to how he had felt before the bone marrow shot.

"You want to stay with me?"

She nodded.

"Well, I must admit I will appreciate the company," he replied, "And I'm glad you're here. I just hope you don't regret it later on."

There was no doubt in her gaze as she looked back at him.

"If I regret it later, that's my business," she replied, "All I know for sure is, I want to be here with you, that's what I want right now. It's the best decision I can make and I can't ever regret doing the best I could do at the time. So I'm here if you need me."

He stepped closer and as she looked into his eyes she saw a brief flash of fear, of helplessness, and then it was gone as he put his arms around her and held her tightly.

"Thank you Clara," he whispered as he held her, "Thank you for staying, because I really don't want to die, I don't want to go and I know eventually I'll have no choice. It's less scary with you to keep me company."

And as he pulled back from her embrace and their eyes met again, warmth shone in his dark gaze.

"Thank you," he said again, and she pulled him closer and then he had her in a tight embrace once again, and this time their lips touched and they kissed gently, then with deeper passion as they stood together in the console room.

And as they shared that kiss Clara clung to him tightly, as life and time suddenly took on a whole new meaning as she understood how frighteningly short life could be, and then all she knew for sure was that she did not want to lose or waste a single moment with this man who had such little time left. Somewhere at the back of her mind, thoughts of her Doctor remained, and she ached to be with him and wished she could have spoken to him about many things that mattered – but that had been before. Now all that mattered was being with this other, younger Doctor who had such little time left:

_Time._

It was odd to think a Time Lord had such little time to tinker with all of a sudden, and she knew she didn't want to waste a minute of what he had left – everything else could wait, the man in her arms had such a short time left, and it was all she could think about now.

* * *

><p>Their kiss turned out to be brief.<p>

The Doctor soon pulled away and apologised for the state he was in and said he was going for a shower and a change of clothing. Clara had asked if he needed any help, but the sparkle she saw in his eyes as he told her he would be just fine was enough to set her mind at ease, for now he was coping, and seemed to be out of pain.

She walked with him to the Tardis bathroom and then he gave her a look that made her heart ache as she longed to hold him again.

"You know what I'd like?" he asked her, "Something nice and hot to pick me up."

"Coffee?" she suggested, "Or...something else?"

And he missed her suggestive tone by a mile as he looked at her in surprise.

"Coffee?" he exclaimed, "I _hate_ the stuff! Tea, please, that'll sort me out!"

And then he went into the bathroom and closed the door.

And Clara walked back down the corridor, smiling as she shook her head, wondering how two versions of the same man could have such differing preferences, and then she thought of the way he had sounded so optimistic that the tea would set him right, and she didn't know if she ought to smile or cry or both, and she was still thinking about his optimism despite the odds against him as she found the Tardis kitchen and went inside. By the time she had put the kettle on and started to make the tea her mind was already made up:

_She was definitely in love with him._

Clara had never planned for it to happen this way.

She had _not _intended to meet another version of the Doctor and fall in love with a dying man. But right now, he seemed so well and full of life and she wondered if their new found affection for each other had something to do with it. She knew what ever happened next would not last, because he was on borrowed time, but her heart was involved now:

_He was dying, but she was in love with him all the same – and there was nothing she could do about that but go with it, and love him regardless of how long - or short - their time together would be..._


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The man who joined Clara in the kitchen looked very different to the weak and dying man who had injected himself moments before his death had been due. He had changed into another brown suit, his shirt was clean and his hair was combed and he looked almost well – except that faint shadows lingered beneath his eyes. As he smiled his eyes sparkled and it was hard to believe he was so very ill.

"Is that mine?" he asked, and grabbed a steaming mug of tea from the kitchen work top and sipped it.

"You look much better!" Clara said in surprise.

"I'm feeling better." He paused to sip his tea, then added, "But it won't last – I need medication to keep me going, the bone marrow won't be enough...by the way, when did your Doctor regenerate, was it recently?"

"About a year ago."

"Ah, that explains it," he replied, "His body is more or less brand new. No wonder a shot from him bought me so much extra time."

And he drank some more tea as Clara stood there looking at him.

"How can you be so optimistic?"

That sparkle was back in his eyes.

"I've got eighteen months I wasn't supposed to have," he told her, "I'm grateful for it."

Suddenly Clara felt taken over by the urge to cry and she wasn't sure why. Maybe it was his attitude to the situation he was in, he was being so brave and she knew he was frightened, because she had seen it briefly in his eyes, just for a moment before they had embraced in the console room. But she held back on crying, feeling sure if she fell apart it would do nothing to help him keep his optimism together.

"It's not long," she said quietly.

"It's longer than I thought I had!" he exclaimed, "That's good enough for me."

Then he drank some more of the tea, put it down and indicated to the door.

"I'd better go and sort out some medication – I'll probably be able to find something I can use... I just need to consult the Tardis database, I'm feeling well enough to make a quick trip to go and pick up supplies."

Then he paused as the sound of a Tardis landing echoed up the corridor.

"The Doctor's back!" Clara said, and hurried out of the kitchen.

* * *

><p>The Tardis was a distance away down the long and winding corridor, and as the Doctor stepped out, Clara paused, watching as he walked up to join her, he walked briskly showing no signs of the stiffness he had suffered earlier after extracting the bone marrow, but the look in his eyes was serious as he approached her, and as the Tenth Doctor joined her in the corridor, he looked to both of them and indicated to a nearby doorway.<p>

"As I recall this is your bedroom?" he said, and his former self nodded, and then he and Clara joined him at the closed door.

"Where have you been?" Clara asked.

The Doctor had been about to open the door, but he paused to glance at her.

"I've been shopping," he replied, and then he opened the door and led them into a large bedroom with a soft carpet and a big, wide, comfortable bed.

Mirrored wardrobes lined one side of the room, and the lighting was bright but soft. There was a dressing table with a mirror and over the back of the chair was draped one of the Tenth Doctor's long, light brown overcoats. Clara had looked around and seen nothing out of the ordinary – until the Doctor indicated to the large leather chair at the back of the room, the sides of it were filled out with metal and it had a control panel and as she looked at it, she thought it looked more like an instrument of torture than a reclining seat...

"This is what I bought," the Doctor said, "It was very expensive - but I'm hoping for the memory of a peaceful and hopefully painless end to your life this time around, and that is why I consider this an investment."

And he walked over to the chair and pressed a button. The sides drew upwards and then across as the chair reclined. A monitor fixed to the wall jumped to life and lights began to blink across the panels.

"It's an android self supporting medical unit, designed to treat higher life forms – that means, life forms capable of taking high doses of radiation and living with the damage – such as Time Lords, for example. The unit can adjust your meds according to what you need, and..." he paused, looked down at the floor and then his pale blue eyes darted back to Clara.

"Could you leave us for a minute?"

_"Excuse me?"_

"Could you leave us, I need to speak privately with him."

"You want me to _leave_ the room? No, I won't!"

Clara's eyes had a look of defiance about them, and he gave a sigh, knowing only too well it would be pointless to argue with her, and so he looked to his Tenth self and explained:

"The unit is capable of supporting you through the dying process – sorry to be blunt, but it can treat your symptoms - but only up to a certain point, after that it's pain relief only until your body can't keep up with the dose. Or..." He paused again, glanced to Clara, then looked back at his other self, before indicating to the panel on the wall that was linked to the chair.

"This unit can offer you three phases of treatment – but you can cancel at any time you wish."

And he pressed a button and the metal top that had covered the chair folded back, and the chair adjusted upright once more.

"It can offer you life support for as long as you want it when the time comes," he added, "_Or you can run the euthanasia program. It's a painless overdose of sedative. I strongly suggest you take that option before the pain gets too much to bear, otherwise you're in for a nasty death and I'm handed some very unpleasant memories that will never fade._"

The Tenth Doctor stepped closer to the chair and looked down at it.

"So this thing can keep me alive until I've had enough?"

The Doctor nodded.

"And it can give you a painless death when you choose – _if_ you choose to run the end of life program."

Clara joined them. She looked at the chair and then back to the Doctor, and he saw so much anger in her eyes it made him weary, too weary to argue or have a heated discussion about the options the unit contained.

"How could you?" she said accusingly, "How could you do this? It's got a _suicide_ button?"

He glanced to his younger self, then met Clara's gaze. That feeling that some _very_ bad memories would soon hit thanks to this altered time line was weighing heavy, and he knew for sure he was certainly in no mood to quarrel with her now.

"Yes, Clara – it has an option for the patient to end their life should the pain become too much to bear." He glanced to the other Doctor, then continued, "He is going to go through some very painful treatment. He won't last six months without it, let alone a year and a half! I doubt he will want to go through the second phase, the first will probably be enough. And there's a big risk the meds won't work – if that happens, the original estimation is greatly slashed – he could be dead within four months. When you see how much pain he goes through, you'll understand why that unit comes with a euthanasia option."

Clara shook her head.

"No," she said, and sounded very sure about it, "That option will never be used!"

And the Tenth Doctor looked to his other, older self.

"Let's hope I don't need to use it," he replied, and then he hesitated for a moment, before sitting down on the chair.

"Activate?" he said, and the screen jumped to life.

"Be careful -"

"Clara, he's just trying it out, there's a lot of options to go through before the euthanasia program activates, stop worrying! It's a treatment device, not a killing machine!"

"I don't see it that way," she replied quietly, and then she watched as the chair reclined and a scanner passed over the Tenth Doctor's body.

"_Scanning complete,"_ said a female metallic voice, as identical wording came up on the screen, _"Diagnosis – radiation poisoning, condition, terminal – recommended treatment program phase one to begin immediately?"_

"Show me what it involves," he said, and then he watched as a diagram came up on the screen.

The Tenth Doctor breathed a relieved sigh.

"It's just an implant? I can handle that!"

"_Implant contains thirty-four micro doses of concentrated medication, given as a daily feed into the body and can be used for up to six months allowing for replacement, or death occurring due to complications."_

He looked at the screen in surprise.

"Keep it light, that's what I like to hear!" he joked, and then he turned his head and smiled at Clara.

"I_ can _handle this," he promised her.

"Begin process?" the machine asked.

"Yes, in two minutes," he replied, and then he got up and took off his jacket and draped it over the chair by the dressing table. As he removed his shirt, the Doctor noticed how Clara's gaze briefly wandered over his slender, toned body – but then that look of concern was back in her eyes. She watched as he sat back down and the chair reclined and the metallic sides came up and covered his upper body.

He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"I'm ready," he said, and then pain briefly registered on his face as a needle buried deep into his flesh, and the sedative sent him into a deep sleep while the machinery that covered him prepared to set the implant into his upper chest.

Clara was watching anxiously.

The Doctor touched her arm and as she looked at him, the worry he saw in her eyes made his hearts ache.

"Come with me," he said in a low voice, "Don't worry about him, the machine is performing a routine procedure, he'll be okay...just come outside for a minute."

And he left the room and Clara followed, closing the door quietly behind her.

* * *

><p>"What?" she demanded, looking up at him as she crossed her arms and glared at him.<p>

The Doctor looked down at her as sadness shaded his pale blue eyes.

"Clara," he said quietly, "You're doing it again - I'm here, but you're not seeing me."

She looked utterly confused now.

"Of course I can see you, what are you talking about?"

"I'm the Doctor. He's an old version of me whose been gone a long time – but we went back and changed that, and that is the _only_ reason why he's still here. I admit it – I was wrong, I should have left the past alone. I didn't like remembering that I died alone, but I could have lived with it. I'm not sure what the outcome will be now. I think I've invited a lot more memories to weigh me down – most likely bad ones. He's my past, Clara. I don't want to lose you to the past!"

His words had surprised her.

"Lose me?"

"I know you want to stay with him. I get that part, and while you're with him, I'll remember it all. Just don't forget who the Doctor is, because he's standing in front of you."

Clara hugged him.

It was unexpected and he froze, then he breathed out slowly and briefly squeezed her back before extracting himself from her embrace.

"You I know I hate hugs."

"Sorry, I couldn't help it. Doctor, you'll never lose me!"

"_So what's your plan then? Do I give it a few months and come back for you when he dies?"_

Pain flickered in her gaze.

"Sorry," he said, knowing he couldn't take the words back, "I know it sounds harsh – but I didn't know I'd give him _that_ much time! I don't want you to watch him get weaker and sit back helpless while he dies, I don't want that for you."

"But I want that for me," Clara replied, "I've made my choice. I want to stay with him. And you haven't lost me, you could never do that! I know he's another version of you. Can you blame me for caring about him?"

The Doctor shook his head.

"I was just hoping I might have changed the past a tiny bit, lingered on for a few more hours and passed away in your arms. That was the memory I was hoping to gain. I wasn't expecting any of this."

"Neither was I," Clara told him, "But I _can_ handle it. And I want to be here."

He looked at her and the ache in his hearts deepened. Then he made his decision.

"I'll leave now. I'll come back soon and check on you both, just to be sure you're coping. I'll soon know if anything goes wrong because those new memories are about to hit any day and I'm really not looking forward to it."

And Clara looked at him and wanted to hug him again, she wanted to kiss him and promise him she could still see him, that she did care, that she would always be there for him – but instead she said nothing, because the Doctor turned away and walked back up the corridor and went into the Tardis, and almost right away, the familiar sound of the engines filled the corridor and then he was gone.

* * *

><p>"<em>How do you feel?"<em>

The Tenth Doctor woke up to the sound of Clara's voice. He drew in a breath and let it out slowly and there was an ache in his upper chest, close to his right shoulder, that went deep into his body. He glanced down and saw a small silver implant set into his flesh and gave a sigh.

"It's in, then."

"The report said the procedure went just fine. Are you well enough to get up?"

"I hope so. The less time I spend in this chair the better!"

He leaned heavily on the arm rests of the chair and sat up, then he breathed heavily as pain shot through his upper chest once more, and he brought his hand up to the implant and pressed on it gently.

"This hurts... the pain goes very deep...too deep."

As he looked at her, it suddenly dawned on Clara that he now looked very pale, much more than before, he looked tired, too, and the shadows beneath his eyes were more noticeable.

"You don't look so good," she admitted.

"I've just had a powerful implant fed into my body, I'm not surprised I look ill!" he said, and he got up from the chair, stumbled and then leaned on Clara, feeling thankful for her support as she led him over to the bed.

* * *

><p><em>What happened next was not planned.<em>

But as he sank back against soft, cool pillows and rested his aching body on his bed, as she helped him to undress, her hands slid over his chest and fingertips brushed his nipples in a way that made him catch his breath. It was instant arousal, and enough to make him forget the pain in his shoulder and the pain that nagged at his bones as the drugs pumped through his system and fought to keep him alive.

Their lips touched and as she joined him on the bed and he held her and looked into her eyes, he suddenly needed nothing more than to forget everything and block it all out and think only of Clara Oswald.

"I think I love you," he whispered, and she replied with a kiss, and then, despite his aching bones and the weakness that washed over him, the Doctor held on to Clara, the girl who was not really his girl, and he made love to her. It was not the usual kind of passionate love making he had been used to in the past, but he cherished every touch, every kiss, every moment of closeness with Clara, the woman who wanted to share the very last of his life. Afterwards, he held on to her and said it again - that he loved her - and this time, he was very sure about it...

He slept deeply in her arms, and Clara also slept well, feeling wrapped in a rosy glow that gave her hope, that made her believe that perhaps, despite the odds being stacked against it, they could have some kind of happy ending, at least before the very bitter end came along. Perhaps they would be like this for a long time, together, close, happy... it would be enough...

* * *

><p>Clara slept on as those hopes lulled her into a false sense of security.<p>

Then eight hours later, reality stepped in to remind her that the choice she had made would mean facing a battle every day, as the Doctor struggled against side effects and tried to cling to a life worth living. It was a terrible shock, but it would serve as a reminder of what she was really facing:

She had fallen asleep warm in her lovers arms, then woken eight hours later as he turned on his side and coughed and blood soaked the pillow as it flowed from his nose, and then he turned to her with a look of fear in his eyes.

"_Clara," _he said in alarm, gasping for air and reaching for her with a bloodstained hand, _"I'm having a reaction to the meds... I can't breathe...help me!"_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The Doctor was alone, the Tardis was drifting peacefully in an inky sea of stars, but the Doctor's blue eyes were shaded by sadness and today he could see no beauty in the universe as he thought of the choice he had made, and of how that choice had most likely cost him the love of Clara Oswald:

_Why hadn't he told her sooner?_

Perhaps – no, for sure – if he had found the courage to take her in his arms, to tell her how he felt, he knew she would not be where she was now, living out what would be a miserable existence with a predictably depressing end – she loved him, she loved that other version of him, and he was going to die and she would be heartbroken and there was nothing he could do now to undo any of it...

_Regret seemed pointless because it would achieve nothing. _

But regret was all he felt now as he considered the result of his own actions – yes, he had done this out of selfishness, in the hope that he could look back to an altered memory of dying in the arms of his Clara instead of alone in his Tardis.

He leaned on the console and looked out at the view of space, desperate to see some of the old beauty that had never failed to dazzle him. But still there was nothing, just space and stars and a hole in his heart where he missed Clara.

_And then it hit._

The memory rattled through him and hit him at speed, coming out of nowhere:

_He was on his back on that reclined chair as the unit worked to adjust the meds that had caused a bad reaction. He ached to his bones, he was coughing and choking and he tasted blood in his mouth._

The Doctor gave a gasp, leaning forward sharply.

_So this was how it would be – not so much memories sliding in to replace old ones, more like violent, sudden flashbacks to a time of pain and fear..._

He was still gripping the console as he drew in a deep breath and willed his twin hearts to stop racing. As the shock began to leave him, he turned his pale blue eyes to the view of the stars as the Tardis drifted through space, he drew in another slow breath and once again, he was back in control.

He breathed a relieved sigh and ran his fingers through his grey hair, reminding himself silently that what he had just felt was only a memory of a bad time in another life...

And then it occurred to him that Clara was most likely living that moment right now, and that his Tenth self was struggling to survive a potentially lethal reaction to the implant...

He drew his phone from his pocket and called Clara's number.

The phone rang and rang and there was no reply.

He swore under his breath, walked across the console floor and tried the number again, determined to keep on trying until he got an answer.

* * *

><p>Clara had heard her phone ringing.<p>

It kept on ringing, and she ignored it as the Doctor coughed and struggled to breathe as she rolled him on his back on the reclined chair.

She hit the activation button and watched as the unit began to analyse.

"_Blood sample required," _the metallic voice said, and as the Doctor coughed again more blood ran from his nose as he reached for Clara's hand and gripped it tightly.

"How much blood does it need?" she exclaimed, "You're covered in it!"

And a long needle extended from the end of a thin silver tube, and it slid firmly into a vein, drawing a sample of blood. The Doctor barely noticed as he fought for air.

"_Adjustment required,"_ the machine stated, _"Patient has suffered a reaction, potentially life threatening – seven drugs have been rejected and must be replaced with lesser alternatives."_

"Don't leave me!" the Doctor gasped, and his face was pale and streaked with blood and she saw real terror in his eyes as she let go of his hand and the metal sides of the chair drew up and covered his upper body once again. Pain registered on his face as an injection was administered, and then he slipped into a deep sleep.

She could hear the machinery working on the implant as he lay there motionless, but the blood had stopped running from his nose now, and as she wondered what_ lesser alternatives _meant, her phone rang again.

Clara crossed the room, glanced back and saw the metal cover was still over him as the machinery worked to fix the problem, and she snatched up her phone, sitting down on the bed as she answered it, taking care to avoid the bloodstains on the sheets.

"_Clara?"_

Hearing the Doctor's voice make her feel like weeping with relief, but she drew in a sharp breath and held it back.

"Doctor...I'm so glad you called. He's had a reaction -"

"And the machine is fixing it?"

"I hope so. It said something about some of the meds being rejected and needing lesser alternatives. What does that mean?"

There was a pause.

"It means a large part of the cocktail he needed to keep him alive for eighteen months is gone, its not an option any more. Those drugs can be replaced with less volatile substances, but its going to cut down his life expectancy. I'm sorry Clara. There won't be good news at the end of the procedure. Do you need me to come over? Do you need any help?"

She blinked away tears as she looked back at the blood stained pillow and sheets, and then over at the machine that was working on the unconscious Tenth Doctor as it removed the harmful medication, replacing the components with replacements that would not keep him alive for as long as she had hoped. It was hard to hold back her tears, but she was determined to carry on. She had made her choice, and she could do no less than to see it through to the end, how ever hard that end was to face...

"Clara?" he said again, "Do you need my help?"

And she wanted to weep, she wanted to run to him and wrap her arms around him and sob until she had no tears left.

_But she didn't._

"It's fine," she said, "It was scary, he started bleeding – but he's fine now. We're okay."

"It won't be fine," he reminded her, "He's dying. He took five hundred thousand rads of radiation – he can't survive, there is no cure and the time he has left is limited. But he won't have eighteen months now – the meds he needed to support him are not working. You'll lose him a lot sooner. I can't tell you when – its still a grey area. But I _don't_ want you to go through this alone. Clara, I_ never_ intended for you to go through any of this heart break."

"And that's fine," she said quietly, "Really, I can handle this. It's my choice to be here."

There was a pause.

"Clara," the Doctor said, "I want you to make me a promise – if this gets too much, promise me, I want you to call me and I'll come and get you, okay?"

"Okay," she said in a hushed voice. Then she heard the Tenth Doctor give a quiet groan of discomfort as the metallic cover slid back from the table. The wound to his upper chest looked livid where the scar had been opened up and then closed for a second time, and as he drew in a slow breath he turned his head and she caught the look in his eyes – he needed her.

"He's waking up, I have to go."

"Remember I'm here if you need me."

"I know that, Doctor. Bye."

* * *

><p>Clara hung up the call, put the phone down and got off the bed and went over to the chair as it began to adjust to a sitting position.<p>

"Are you okay?" she asked.

The Doctor's dark eyes looked glazed, and he struggled to focus on her as the effects of the anesthesia began to wear off.

"I think I need to get cleaned up," he said weakly.

"You do," she agreed, taking in the sight of the dried blood on his face and throat.

"_Final analysis,"_ the machine announced, and they both looked at the screen and as she took hold of his hand, Clara didn't care that his fingers were bloodstained.

"_Reaction and rejection of seven vital components alters life expectancy. Estimated time for phase one implant to work successfully – two months. With phase two treatment life expectancy will increase to five months and two weeks, this is an estimate depending on patient reaction to phase two treatment – phase three will activate when pain relief is the final option."_

The screen fell dark. The Doctor's hand was shaking in hers and as he looked at her his eyes were filled with tears.

"Five months?" he said as emotion broke up his voice, "That's all I get?" And then he gave a sob, and Clara drew him into her arms as he rested his head on her shoulder and wept.

As he cried in her arms she thought of the tall, grey haired man who he would one day become, who avoided displays of emotion and also avoided embraces. This younger man was so different to him, so open and unashamed to show his feelings, and she felt thankful that at least he could let out his pain by weeping openly.

But he was still crying, and he was shaking as he held her, and she kept her arms around him, not caring that his tears were making the bloodstains run on to her skin or on to his shirt that she had hastily thrown on when she had got out of bed. She just held him as he clung to her, letting his tears make the dried blood run, staining her as it stained him, as he wept for all he knew he had lost.

* * *

><p>It took time, but eventually the Doctor stopped weeping and managed to pull his shattered emotions back together. He had been unsteady and she had carefully taken him to the bathroom and helped him into the shower, where he had stayed until the the last of the blood had washed away.<p>

Once he was cleaned up, he rested on the clean side of the bed and then turned over so she could finish off changing the sheets and replacing the pillows.

Clara felt exhausted and emotionally drained and she wished the phone would ring again, just so she could hear the voice of her Doctor, the very thought of him made her think of a warm safe place, a harbour from the storms of life – but she intended to see this through, and she had to do it alone, because she had made her choice...

* * *

><p>An hour later, the Tenth Doctor was resting in clean sheets and looked so much better now the blood was gone. He was pale and looked tired, but at least he could breathe easily now, and the bleeding had stopped.<p>

She sat beside him as his eyes grew heavy and gently stroked his hair. The feel of her touch soothed him and he gave a sigh.

"Five months... it's not enough..I wanted more."

"But its still time," she said quietly, and then she leaned over him and kissed his cheek."I'll be with you all the way. Go to sleep now, you need to rest."

He had closed his eyes but as he spoke again he frowned.

"I don't want to sleep. I don't have much time, I'm wasting hours if I sleep."

"You need to rest," she said again, "Go to sleep, I love you."

"I love you too, Clara," he murmured, and then as he slid into an exhausted sleep, she stayed beside him, watching his chest rise and fall, each breath reassuring her that this time, he would suffer no horrific reaction to the implant.

* * *

><p>Time moved on slowly, and that for Clara was merciful, and even though the Doctor continued to struggle to cope, he was glad of every day he still had left.<p>

She lost count of the time they spent gently drifting through space in the Tardis. For now, the implant was working, although he often felt sick and struggled to eat. They spent their days simply being together, he rested most of the time, and when he wasn't resting, Clara was in his arms. He had little energy, and had lost weight, enough for her to notice as she wrapped her arms around him in bed and felt his bones a little more than she had in the beginning. But he stayed determined to hold on, and for now, it was enough.

_The time continued to pass._

_And Clara's lover fought on..._

Every time the Doctor called, Clara was grateful to hear the sound of her phone ringing. And each time he asked her if she was coping, she lied and said yes, and he believed her.

It was not the first time she had lied to the Doctor, and she was sure it would not be the last, either – but she was determined to cope.

But the time had passed and the day had come when she would know for sure she could not cope, and when it happened, it was_ not _for the reason she had expected...

* * *

><p>The Doctor had got up and got dressed and so had she, they had been resting together for hours and for once, he seemed to have a little more energy than usual. But as she had joined him in the console room and looked at him standing there as he put in some co ordinates for a landing, she noticed how his once well-fitted suit suddenly seemed a size too big and how the shadows under his eyes had deepened.<p>

"I'm taking the Tardis to Earth," he said.

"Why?" she asked him.

He looked at her and there was a sadness shading his dark eyes that needed no deep explanation.

"Because I think of your planet as home," he replied, "And I'm tired and I want to go home."

And he threw a switch and the engines groaned, and even the Tardis sounded tired as it prepared to land. He put his arm around her shoulder and smiled as he looked into her eyes.

"I want to go home with you," he added, "It's time for me to stop travelling."

Then his smile faded and he took his arm off her shoulder turned to face her and took hold of her hands.

"I found out today that the implant has stopped working," he said quietly, "And I really don't think the phase two treatment will get me far. This first implant has made it almost impossible to get out of bed – not that I regret spending time in bed with you – but I can't go any further. I'm too tired and I need to make a choice while I still can."

Clara's eyes filled with tears, but they were tears of anger not sorrow.

"You can't give up!" she said sharply, "You can't just push a button and let go, its your _life_!"

He looked deeply into her eyes and in that moment his youthful looks meant nothing as she saw wisdom in his gaze, ancient wisdom of the Time Lords.

"I want to end it while I still have a choice," he told her, "I can't go any further. I'm barely functioning now – and it's only going to get worse."

She shook her head and let go of his hands.

"No," she said, "I won't be any part of this! That program shouldn't even be an option, it's a suicide button!"

"I prefer to think of it as a release from pain," he replied, and she saw hurt in his eyes that bit deep into her heart, but Clara turned away and walked out of the console room, determined not to shed tears in front of him.

* * *

><p>As she headed for the bedroom, the corridor swayed and her stomach turned over. Clara leaned against the wall drawing in slow breaths to ward off a wave of nausea, and then she stopped, looking around her:<p>

_No, it wasn't the corridor._

_That had been a dizzy spell, and one that had almost made her throw up..._

She reached the bedroom door, went inside and looked towards the chair that contained the drugs and the program to end the Doctor's life. She wished she had a hammer to smash the thing up, anything to take away that choice for him to give up and end it all...

_But she still felt sick._

_She had been feeling sick for days._

Clara had put it down to worrying about the Doctor, to the sleepless nights she had spent with him when the pain had taken over, and the worry he had gone through as she had watched him struggling to eat and growing weaker.

_But perhaps it was more than that..._

Clara closed the bedroom door behind her and thought about it:

_She had not had a period since moving into the Tenth Doctor's Tardis..._

She slid her hand down to her belly and rested it there, wondering. She knew it was unlikely he could have made her pregnant, not after all the toxic drugs that the implant had pumped into his body.

But they had made love _before_ the implant had time to take effect...

"_I can't be..."_ she murmured, and then she felt sick all over again as she cautiously approached the chair that had put the Doctor though so much pain.

As she sat down it reclined, and the screen jumped to life at once.

"I want you to scan me," she said, "I need to know if I'm pregnant."

"_Scanning now,"_ the metallic voice replied, and a light passed over her body.

Clara laughed softly as the chair righted itself, and she shook her head

"Waste of time, I know there's no baby, he's too ill to -"

"_Pregnancy confirmed,"_ the monitor stated.

Clara's jaw dropped.

"What?" she whispered

"_Pregnancy confirmed, you are nine weeks and two days pregnant Clara Oswald. Do you wish to continue or terminate?"_

She shook her head. This was too much to think about.

"Terminate."

"_Terminate pregnancy?"_

She gave a gasp.

"No! Terminate_ program_, I don't want to do anything at all, I just want to..." she paused, and looked back at the screen, "I want to cry," she said as her voice trembled.

"Do you require further assistance? Do you require a deep scan to observe the health of your child?"

"No, not right now, I'll do it later," she said in a hushed voice, and as she got up from the chair the screen went dark as the machine went back into sleep mode.

Clara took two steps away from the chair and suddenly it felt as if the whole of the Tardis was shaking. She placed her hand on her belly again and blinked away tears, drew in a deep breath to steady herself and it was then she realised the Tardis was not shaking at all – _she_ was shaking...

"_Calm down!"_ she whispered, and then the bedroom door opened. The Doctor smiled and he looked tired and weak, but he had a sparkle in his eyes that had long been absent.

"We've landed!" he said, "Let's go outside, I've missed earth so much!" And then he blinked, looking at her intently.

"Are you okay?"

She forced a smile.

"Of course I am, I'm just worried about you."

He held his hand out to her.

"Let's not think about sad things now," he said as she took his hand, "We're back on earth, I'm home I want to go for a walk with you in the sunshine."

And as she walked away with him down the corridor of the Tardis, she hid the truth from the man she loved as he talked about earth and how much he had missed the place, because for once, the Doctor sounded happy again...


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The Tardis had landed on some ground above a path that lead to a deserted beach. The sun was shining and its light reflected off calm water like a billion diamonds were adrift upon the waves, seagulls dipped and weaved in a blue sky and the waves rolled to shore in a steady, smooth rhythm.

As they left the Tardis, the Doctor shut the door behind them and then paused, taking in the sight of the sun on the water and enjoying the peacefulness that surrounded them. A salt breeze ruffled his hair as he turned his head and looked at Clara.

"Your world is a beautiful place," he said to her, "And you're beautiful too. Our life together could have been brilliant. But it's not to be. Please, if you love me, accept my reason for ending it now. I can't go on, I'm weak and I'm in pain and it won't get any better."

He was still looking into her eyes, silently begging for a response.

Clara felt tears sting at her eyes and she held back from weeping as she turned away and focussed on the light reflecting off calm waters far off in the distance.

"I can't go along with this euthanasia program. Its like the program is there as a quick way out - what if the pain _does_ improve when you go to phase three? You don't know yet, it might not be as bad as you're expecting! And maybe you've been through so much with the implant - perhaps, I'm not saying you are, but maybe the pain and the weakness have dragged you down so much you're not thinking clearly. You might not be making a sound decision – maybe you're just depressed -"

"I know how I feel!" he insisted, "And the program will ask me many questions before it allows the euthanasia program to run, the machine will have to satisfy itself that I'm making a sound and sane decision."

"How can your decision to end your life be a sane one?" Clara exclaimed, "I know it's been terribly difficult, I know because I've seen the pain you've gone through – but you're still here, you're still alive! I thought you wanted to hold on to that!"

Sorrow reflected in his eyes as she met his gaze once more.

"I can't make plans for the future because I don't have one. I can barely eat and I'm getting weaker, I have to move on to the phase two implant or end the process now. I wanted to have some kind of a life with you, Clara. The radiation poisoning had denied me that as much as its denied me more years of life. The only control I have left now is deciding when and how I die."

Clara blinked to hold off her tears.

"But it doesn't have to be now!"

"The longer I wait, the harder the decision will be," he said to her, "I don't want go, of course I don't! I want to live, I want to have a life with you, a proper life, not one where I'm stuck in bed most of the time while you have to look after me – I wanted us to have a future, but there is no future for me." Then his expression softened as he reached up and brushed her cheek as he spoke fondly to her.

"You've made me happy. You were reason enough to go through that pain, just to be a round a while longer. But I don't want to suffer any more. This is only going to get worse. I don't want it to come to that."

Clara said nothing as she held back her tears and the Doctor took her hand, and they went down the path that led to the beach, and then took a slow walk along the sand together. While they walked he remarked on the beauty of the day, and talked again of his love of earth. They paused to kiss as the tide rolled closer to shore, and then he stood there on the sand, facing her as the wind blew back his long coat and ruffled his hair again.

"We should go back," he said to her, "Clara, I've already scheduled the process to start. And I want you with me, even though you don't agree with my choice, I'm asking you to stay with me until the end. I won't suffer, I'll slip away peacefully. And this is _my_ choice."

Clara felt too struck by the shock of it to say another word as he took her by the hand and led her back up the beach towards the Tardis.

When they got there, he paused and so did Clara. The Doctor looked back at the tide rolling to shore and smelled the salt in the air, and his hearts ached for all he was about to leave behind.

"I will stay," she said quietly, "I'll stay to the end I'll do it for you."

Relief shone in his dark eyes.

"Thank you," he said gratefully.

And then he reached for her, pushing her up against the side of the Tardis as a look of desperation and impatience shone in his eyes.

"One more time," he said, reaching down as he tugged at his zip, then pushed her skirt up to her hips, "Make love with me here and now – I just want to feel alive one more time -"

His words were cut off by her mouth claiming his, and he held on to her, leaning heavily against her, as he used the last of his strength, desperate to feel one last rush of bliss from lovemaking, because he knew nothing else could be so life affirming. She held on to him as he made love to her up against the side of the Tardis, he was weak and breathless and every movement was unsteady, but when it was over and he leaned against her breathing hard as he rested with his head on her shoulder, she saw tears in his eyes.

"At least I'm going out while I can still manage _this_." he joked, "I made love to you on the day I'm dying. Not bad going for a man with as much radiation poisoning as I've got inside me!"

And he smiled, but he caught the look in her eyes as she straightened her clothing and his own smile faded. He tidied his own clothing and then took her by the hand.

"There's no backing out now," he said to her, "I won't change my mind."

And he led her into the Tardis and the door closed behind them.

* * *

><p>The Doctor had gone straight to the bedroom, taken off his coat and jacket and shirt and then lay back on the chair.<p>

Clara watched as it reclined, she stood beside him as the screen jumped to life and he looked up at the words that appeared, and she didn't know how she was finding the strength to hold back on weeping, but she was staying strong for him, and afterwards, when it was over, she knew she would weep alone, and then her tears would dry – they had to – before she made a call and finally heard the voice of her Doctor, that man whose embrace would feel like the safest harbour from the worst of storms the universe could muster. She wanted to be with him. She wanted to be with him now, because his embrace now felt like the only safe place to run to.

She wanted to run to him and wrap her arms around him, hide inside his crimson lined jacket and inhale his masculine scent as he spoke to her softly and promised her everything would work out just fine. She needed to hear his voice. This situation felt as if it was killing her as well as this other, younger Doctor who had suffered so much and now wanted to let go...

He looked up at her as the chair fully reclined.

"I'm ready," he said quietly, and he held out his hand.

Clara sat beside him, gripping his hand tightly and as he turned his head a tear ran from his eye.

"I won't regenerate right away. There could be a delay of several hours because of all the toxins in my body...the regeneration process will begin as I die but won't become apparent for several hours afterwards. I'm simply too damaged to regenerate immediately. And when I die, you need to call the Doctor and ask him to come and fetch you. Just leave, Clara – my Eleventh self won't remember any of this because of the trauma I've been through - and he's not supposed to meet you just yet. Don't alter anything. Just go after I'm finished."

"You want me to leave you?"

"Yes, please do it for me, do as I ask."

Then the screen lit up and text appeared.

"_Doctor, are you ready to begin end of life program?"_

And he looked up at the screen as sadness shaded his eyes.

"Yes I am," he replied in a hushed voice.

"_Are you certain?"_

"Yes," he replied again as impatience crept into his voice.

"_Have you considered alternatives? Phase three can effectively handle pain management until death."_

"I do not wish to move on to the final phase. I'm making my choice now."

"_Are you depressed, Doctor?"_

He gave a weary sigh.

"No, but I am tired and in pain and I want it to end."

He blinked to clear his vision and more tears ran from his eyes, he drew in a sharp breath and gripped Clara's hand tighter.

"Please...just do this for me, I'm ready."

"_Are you fully prepared for death?"_

"Just get on with it!" he said in a shaken voice, "I don't want to change my mind."

And Clara looked at him sharply.

"You're not sure!"

"This is not an easy choice. I have to do it now or -"

"Or you won't ever consider it again?"

He briefly closed his eyes and gave a sigh, then he looked up at Clara.

"Don't make this difficult for me. I need to do this _now_, before I get worse."

"Beginning procedure," the machine said, and a needle slid out of the arm rest of the chair and travelled up his arm and then slid into a vein.

The Doctor caught his breath as he broke out in a light sweat.

"_Procedure will not begin until patient confirms consent."_

"Get on with it," he said.

"_Are you prepared to die now, Doctor?"_

He blinked away more tears and looked to Clara. In that moment she saw more than fear in his eyes – she saw _doubt_...

"If I had a reason to stay, I would," he told her, "But there's nothing left for me now, all I have to look forward to is pain. It's right for me to end it now."

The machine spoke up again.

"_Sedation will begin in thirty seconds."_

The Doctor drew in a breath and let it out slowly as he tried to hold back a wave of panic.

"I love you, Clara, I'm glad we had this time together."

She said nothing, her gaze was fixed on the timer on the screen that was counting down, it had already reached twenty-five seconds...

_This was it._

_No time left, and nothing to lose by trying..._

She drew in a sharp breath as she gripped his hand harder and leaned over him. Surprise registered in his eyes as he saw she was crying – Clara had held back from that, she had always been so strong for him...

"Don't cry..." he said as his own voice began to break up as emotion got the better of him.

The timer was down to fifteen seconds now.

"_There is a reason for you to stay – I'm pregnant, Doctor! It's your baby, please, I'm not being selfish...maybe I am...but please, don't leave us!"_

His dark eyes widened in surprise. He looked to the timer. It was on 9 seconds and counting down.

"Abort," he said weakly, and the timer continued to count.

"Confirm?" the machine asked, and now the timer was on three seconds.

He reached over to the needle in his arm and ripped it out.

And alarm flashed.

"_Injectable end of life program manually disconnected."_

"Shut it down!" the Doctor said as more tears filled his eyes, "Abort, cancel, shut the program down." And he looked to Clara and put his arm around her, pulling her closer, not caring he was weak and tired and the needle puncture wound was leaking blood as he held her.

"Cancel the program," he said again, "Instead I want you to remove the implant and set me up for phase two treatment. I've changed my mind, I _don't_ want to die." Then as he pulled back from her embrace, he looked weak and pale but hope shone in his eyes as he spoke again.

"_I don't want to die because I have too much to live for,"_ he said, and then he weakly held her again, and this time as he wept, his tears were tears of joy and hope for the future.

* * *

><p>The news she had told him seemed to breathe new life into the Doctor. He had the implant removed and the phase two implant set in its place, then after a short rest, he had got dressed, went to the kitchen, ate a sandwich, then fell to his knees vomiting and had to change his shirt, but then he managed a bowl of soup and kept it down - and after a short rest felt well enough to venture outside once more.<p>

He shifted the Tardis to a nearby town, and they stepped out hand in hand and as they walked along the street together, for the first time in a long while, Clara felt hopeful.

Now he knew about the baby, he was determined to stay alive. So far the second implant had caused him no side effects, and as they walked together, if he had not looked so pale and tired, it almost could have been a normal day.

"Where are we going?" Clara asked him.

Then the Doctor stopped and turned his head and smiled.

"In there," he said, "I need something..."

And she followed him into the library, wondering what he was up to...

Ten minutes later she hurried out after him as he walked on quickly with a stolen book concealed under his coat.

"You just stole that book! What did you steal it for?"

They had walked up the road away from the library, and he slid the book out of his coat and showed it to her.

"I do have credit cards... must be in my other coat... I can't remember...If I had those I could have bought a book from the book store...and I don't have a library card... well,I think I don't, this medication's making me forget things... so I stole it, because we need it...a book on child birth. I'm going to read up on all this, I'll need it for when the baby's born!"

He sounded so optimistic she didn't want to shatter his illusions, but it had to be said...

"You don't have long enough. You won't be here when the baby is born!"

That look of optimism was still in his eyes.

"I can try to hold on. I _want_ to see my child, I want to hold my baby. That's a huge incentive to stay alive, Clara."

Then he took her by the hand and they walked on past other shops, while she said nothing, feeling too afraid to burst the bubble of happiness that was suddenly giving him such a fierce will to carry on living...

* * *

><p>The Twelfth Doctor had waited patiently, trying to relax out in space among the stars and the inky blackness that he loved so much and thought of as home, but he had done little but think of Clara and also waited nervously for more changing memories to slide into place.<p>

He had called her on a regular basis, and each time she had promised him that she was fine. The grey area was still grey, misty memories were creeping up on him of being in his Tenth life and embracing Clara, making love to her – but nothing bad had come through, nothing like that first awful memory of pain that had had hit him out of the blue.

And then, as he was laying on top of the covers on his bed trying to relax, a memory filtered down through the time stream and reached him.

The Doctor had been about to drop off to sleep with his phone beside him in case Clara called, and what slid into his mind made him sit upright, snapping his eyes open in alarm:

_NO... this couldn't be right..._

Ten had cancelled the euthanasia program because Clara had told him something – it was something that had replaced his despair with joy and given him back the will to live and fight on despite the pain...

_She was pregnant?_

_Clara Oswald was having a baby by his Tenth self?_

She had conceived a child by a man whose body was shot to pieces by heavy radiation poisoning?

"_Oh no!"_ he said aloud as his hearts weighed heavy and he thought of the child who was as much his as it was his Tenth self's – this kid was the Doctor's baby, which made it as much his as the man who had conceived it...

But that child had been conceived by the dying Doctor, the man with the terrible radiation poisoning.

_It hadn't occurred to his Tenth self or to Clara, but that child would be mutated because of the radiation..._

_Someone had to tell them._

His hearts ached as he left the bedroom, slipped on his jacket and carried his phone to the console room. He thought about calling her to break the news, then decided against it and put the phone in his pocket, because news like this was best delivered face to face...

He locked on to the signal from the other Tardis, and set a course for earth, where he knew he faced the terrible task of informing Clara and his other self that the baby she was carrying was mutated, and would most likely not survive - but even if it could survive, _should_ it?

That was a choice only Clara could make, when he spelled out the facts that he knew would break her heart...


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

As the Doctor's Tardis landed, he could see from the viewing screen that he had landed in woodland near a busy main road. And there was a second blue box just across the clearing – the Tenth Doctor's Tardis.

The Doctor had set the time and place to rejoin them making this almost three months since he had last seen Clara. No more memories had hit him, but he was sure they would soon catch up in their own good time...

He left the Tardis and walked across the clearing over to the other blue box. The door was locked, so he drew his own Tardis key from his pocket and unlocked the door and went inside.

* * *

><p>The place was silent save for the usual hum of the Tardis that never really changed.<p>

"Hello?" he called out as he stood alone in the empty console room.

Then he heard footsteps hurrying down the corridor. He knew it was Clara, and the thought of her would have made him smile had he not remembered he had such grave news to deliver...

As she walked into the console room he could not tell his own emotions from the swirl of joy and sadness that mixed together as she ran to him and smiled, she hugged him and for once, he did not freeze, instead he briefly hugged her back and then let go, his hearts aching as she stepped back and he noticed the visible growing bump beneath her short, light floral dress.

"I'm pregnant," she said, and so much joy was shining in her eyes he wanted to shed tears for all she was yet to learn.

"_So I see."_

Clara's eyes clouded with confusion as she looked at him standing there in his dark suit with the crimson lining, and she thought of all the times she had longed to run to him and hide in the warmth of his embrace to escape the heartache – yet now, he was looking at her like... What, like he wasn't happy for her?

"Is that all you've got to say?" she said quietly.

The Doctor took a step closer.

"How is he holding up?"

And Clara smiled, but he saw sadness in her eyes.

"He's resting. He needs a lot of rest. The phase one treatment didn't work out, it gave him five months. He's on the phase two implant now. It makes him tired and forgetful and he can't eat much. But he's determined to stay alive, he wants to see the baby, and I think he might just live long enough to do it."

"But according to the diagnostic system, he's only got two months left now – _if_ he's lucky?"

The Doctor had spoken sympathetically, but Clara shook her head.

"No, he's going to carry on for as long as he can. You don't know how determined he is to see our baby -"

"_Clara, please listen to me."_

She frowned.

"What's wrong now?"

The Doctor gave a weary sigh as he fixed his blue eyes on the sight of Clara Oswald, carrying the Doctor's child – conceived by his Tenth self, but to him, that child was also his, because _he_ was the Doctor now...

"Oh Clara, Clara, I _don't k_now where to start," he said sadly, "I know this baby is precious to both of you – but there's something you need to take on board that you haven't thought about."

"Like what?"

He looked down at the floor.

"Like what?" she said again.

It was hard to meet her gaze but he did it, and then he looked into her eyes and spoke from his heart as he silently hoped she would understand his reasons for saying all that he felt needed to be said:

"That baby you're carrying – its half Time Lord. But the Time Lord you conceived it with is dying of radiation poisoning. That means your child will most certainly suffer birth defects. It's going to have mutations. I'm sorry, but you need to take this on board and think long and hard about your choices."

Her eyes widened.

"There is _nothing_ wrong with my baby!"

"Have you used the med unit to scan for defects?"

"No."

"Then I suggest you do it now, because I know I'm right. I wish I was wrong, but I'm not. And just because you conceived the baby with me in a Tenth life, doesn't mean that child is exclusively his. _I'm_ the Doctor now, so that baby is also mine. That's why I'm telling you to be aware that it could have terrible birth defects because my other self is shot to pieces with radiation poisoning. The baby will suffer mutations, there's no way around that. You need to get scanned."

Pain reflected in her eyes. Clara wanted to deny all he was saying, but she knew he was only being honest. Neither her nor her lover had thought about the radiation and the effect on the baby – they had been to overjoyed to think that in the middle of all the despair, some hope had come along in the form of this unexpected child they had made together...

"The Doctor's asleep," she told him, "He has to have four hours of sedation every day while he has some drug treatment – it would be too painful to go through awake. He had the treatment this morning, then I put him to bed. He won't be awake for another hour, he's still sleeping deeply. Let's do this now and get it over with."

And she headed for the corridor.

The Doctor hurried to catch up with her and they walked together towards the bedroom.

"I'm glad you're taking my advice," he said to her.

She shot him a frosty glance.

"I don't believe you," she snapped defensively, "There's _nothing_ wrong with my baby, I'm only doing this to prove you wrong and shut you up!"

* * *

><p>They went into the bedroom and Clara closed the door behind them quietly.<p>

"Keep your voice down," she said, "He's sleeping, I don't want to wake him while he needs to rest."

And the Doctor looked over at the bed, where his Tenth self was resting beneath sheets almost as pale as his complexion, and for a moment he just stared:

His younger self was certainly determined to stay alive – and his body had been ravaged by the fight to do so. He had lost weight, he looked weak and his breathing was shallow. He was sweating lightly, his skin glistening, the sheets were up to his hips and as his chest rose and fell, his ribs were visible. There was a large silver implant in his upper chest and a tube ran from it into a second implant set in his shoulder.

_He looked like a dying man, how could Clara not know that? _

Perhaps it was because she saw him every day, and she shared his optimism that miracles existed and he would indeed prove the diagnosis wrong and live for much longer than expected.

_That was, of course, quite impossible..._

"Do you want to see this scan or not?" Clara said in a low voice, and the Doctor nodded, turned away from the bed and went over to the corner of the room, where she sat down in the chair and activated the screen.

"Visuals only no vocals," she said softly, and a message flashed up on the screen :

_Confirmed._

Then she drew in a deep breath and spoke quietly to the med unit:

"Perform deep scan. Check my baby for birth defects."

And the chair reclined.

She shot a look to the Doctor as he stood over her anxiously.

"I'll prove you wrong!" she said, and a light passed over her body, lingering over her abdominal area. Then the message flashed up :

_Scanning Complete._

As the chair slid upright information began to appear on the screen.

Clara was reading it, and the Doctor said nothing as he saw her catch her breath, and then her eyes glazed with tears. She put a trembling hand to her mouth to stifle the word _No_, and he stepped closer and read the result of the scan:

_Foetus is female - and confirmed to be affected by paternal radiation poisoning, causing mutations. Defects to vocal chords, lack of pigment to skin and hair, eyes entirely black, extended spinal growth. Diagnosis – child has suffered defects and mutations due to father's radiation exposure._

"Show me!" Clara said in a shocked, hushed voice, and the screen switched to a view inside the womb:

Clara gave another gasp and as she blinked tears ran down her face. She looked at the creature on the screen – the powerful scanner had picked up on everything, the baby had wide, black eyes and a shock of white hair that matched its alabaster skin. And as it moved, something flicked up and around its body...now she knew what the scanner had meant about the spine...the baby had a long, forked tail. It looked to the scanner with inky black eyes, and the screen went dark.

Clara's hand flew to her mouth to stifle a sob as she looked up at the Doctor.

"But the baby is alive," he said to her, "And it could have been worse – he's not in any pain. It's just that physically, she's _not _like other children."

Clara took her hand off her mouth and struggled to keep her voice down as she remembered her weak and dying lover was resting across the other side of the room.

"She looks like a …_a demon!_" she said tearfully. Then as she looked up at the Doctor, she blinked away more tears.

"How can I say that? How can I say such a terrible thing about my own child?"

The Doctor took her by the hand and helped her from the chair. As she stood there looking up at him, she suddenly felt as if his closeness would be the only safety she could ever know now, because he seemed so strong, even under these circumstances.

"I can't tell you what choice to make," he said quietly, "Because the version of me who fathered this child is dying. He won't live to see the baby born. You will be alone with this child, a child with many birth defects..."

He paused, glanced over at the sleeping Tenth Doctor, and then looked back at Clara. He felt like all the nerves in his body were jangling now, but he also knew he had to say something now, or never say it at all...

"If you decide to keep the baby, I want you to know that I'll -"

"_If _I decide to keep it?" she fumed, and his hearts sank, she had lost her temper just as he was about to tell her how he felt, about how he wanted to live his life with her and take on that child and make them a family...

"Clara, please hear me out -"

"Hear you out?" she said angrily, "You just said it was up to me to decide – this isn't the moon we're talking about, but you're taking the same bloody attitude, let _me_ decide if it lives or dies?"

"No, that's _not_ what I meant -"

"I think you did mean that!" She was glaring at him now, "You think I should have an abortion?"

"Clara, _please_, I_ didn't_ say that, I said you need to think about what you're taking on. That child has black eyes, I don't know if that means it's just a pigmentation thing or if she's going to be blind. She's got defects with her vocal chords, she might be mute...that tail of hers... it could affect the rest of her spine, I don't even know if she will be able to walk! We won't know anything for sure until that baby is born – and you could be taking a huge gamble. That's my child too, and I don't want her to suffer. I don't want you to suffer, either. You're going to lose the baby's father. You'll have all that grief to handle before this kid even comes along!"

"And I will handle it," she said, sounding very sure of herself, "It's not the first time I've lost someone - I lost Danny and I got through it, I'll lose the Doctor and cope with that too, _and _I'll cope with this baby when she comes along, because she's mine, and she's part of the man I love, the man I'm going to lose!"

The Doctor looked at her with deep sadness in his blue eyes.

"But I'm the Doctor. He is going to regenerate into the Eleventh Doctor, who will eventually become me! I'm the Doctor now, I'm here, I'm here for you and the baby if you want to keep it, why don't you listen to me?"

Confusion clouded her eyes.

"But you said I had to decide if I wanted the baby or not. Make up your mind, are you hoping I'll keep it, or get rid of it?"

"It's your choice," he said again, "You're the mother, you're the one carrying this child. My feelings don't come into it, I can't allow them to – it has to be your choice and I'll stand by you what ever you choose to do."

"Stand by me?" she said angrily, "I don't need _you_ to stand by me, I can manage on my own!"

"And she's_ my_ baby too!" Anger flashed in his eyes.

"No," she said as she pulled back on her temper, "The _Tenth_ Doctor fathered my child, that brave man over there whose trying to hold on to life just to hold this baby in his arms one day!"

"And he won't live long enough to do that," the Doctor told her honestly, "I'm sorry, Clara, but it's true – look at him, you can see he doesn't have long left!"

She blinked away tears.

"I can't talk to you right now," she said, turning her back, "I want you to go."

He fixed his gaze on her turned back, and then gave up on trying to get through to her.

"Fine. You make your choice. Tell the Doctor the truth about the baby. He needs to know. And I'll come back and what ever you decide is fine by me, because I'm not the one carrying this child, you are. I'm leaving the options open to you because I love you and I want to do the right thing!"

She turned around and stared at him.

"You_ love_ me?"

In that moment she saw such passion and deep devotion in his eyes that it surprised her, and she wondered why she had not seen it before.

"I'll go now," he said, "You need some time to think about all of this."

And then he turned away and walked off, back down the corridor towards his Tardis. Clara heard the sound of the engines groaning as the police box prepared to leave, but then the Tenth Doctor stirred, turned over in bed, pain registered on his face and he slowly opened his eyes, and Clara put all thoughts of her Doctor out of her mind as she went over to the bedside of her dying lover.

* * *

><p>"<em>What's wrong with the baby?" <em>As he asked that question, the Doctor was on his side, resting against pillows, and the shadows under his eyes were dark and he looked so terribly tired, and now that weariness had seemed to deepen.

"You heard us talking?"

He looked up at her knowingly.

"I heard him say it was up to you...and he said he loved you. I _knew_ he did."

"And I'm with you," she reminded him, and she took hold of his hand and he gave it a squeeze.

"When I'm gone, go back to him, Clara. He's _me_, remember that."

"I know," she replied, "But right now, you're still here – and you could be here for a long time."

"Tell me about the baby," he said again.

"She's got a tail -"

He laughed, and the effort made him cough.

"A _lot_ of species have tails, Clara."

"And her eyes are black. Black as night, I saw them on the scan. Her skin is pure white and so is her hair. She looks...like a...a _demon_."

She had been almost afraid to say it, but as she saw the warmth in his eyes as he held on to her hand, he started to smile.

"Clara, there are no demons – only in your fascinating earth mythology! There are species out there in the universe that you would think look like demons, but I'm sure our little girl is just a baby who looks a bit different. Since when did _different_ mean _bad_?"

He had made a very good point.

"Since never!" she exclaimed, "I'd _never_ think a child was bad because they were different to the others...I'm a teacher, I've seen all kinds of kids at my school...some of them have disabilities, I don't think any less of them -"

"Then why are you so scared of our baby?"

"I'm not!"

Patience was there in his voice and in the look in his eyes, and it remained there despite his weakness and the pain that nagged at his bones.

"Clara, I heard what the other Doctor said - it's his baby as much as mine. It's the _Doctor's_ baby – and he's the Doctor now, where you come from, that is the future version of me, the man I become one day. And it sounds to me like he loves you, but he's scared too. I don't blame him for that, I got you pregnant, he wasn't planning on being a father and he's afraid this baby will have problems that mean she's going to have a miserable life. But I don't think that's the case at all. I think she'll be just fine, all she needs is a mother and father to love her and bring out the best in her." Then she caught a flicker of pain in his eyes, "I'm just sorry I won't be there to bring her up. _But he will_."

"He told me to make up my mind, to decide whether or not I wanted her! Of course I want her!" Clara said.

"And he wants her too, he's just trying to make you aware of the fact that she's got mutations. He wants to be sure you can handle that. He's worried you might fall apart after I'm gone."

"How do you know all this?"

He smiled.

"Because I'm the Doctor, and so is he. I know he seems a bit spiky and moody but underneath that, he's still me – we're _both_ the same person."

He gave Clara's hand another squeeze.

"Don't worry about him. He just needs to get used to the idea that there's a baby on the way. Now, I need to ask you something – can I name her?"

Clara smiled.

"Of course you can!"

The Doctor had already decided on the child's name.

"You said her eyes are black as night? Jet black? Let's call our daughter Jet."

Clara nodded.

"I like that," she agreed, and then she climbed on to the bed and he put his arm around her while his other hand rested on her belly, and then the Doctor gave in to the tiredness that never seemed to let up these days, and he slid into a deep and restful sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

After leaving Clara, the Doctor had set off in the Tardis with no destination in mind, he just wanted to be out there in the star strewn darkness of space, drifting free, far from earth and far from Clara and his other, dying self and that poor baby that was caught up in the middle of this mess...

He stood at the console and looked out at the stars, he thought about life and death and regeneration and eternity and all that the universe held that he used to think of as wonderful.

He could see no beauty in any of it now as he thought about that child who would be born damaged because of the father's radiation poisoning. He recalled what he had seen on the screen, that tiny, mutated child growing in Clara's womb, and his hearts ached unbearably.

_Of course he wanted her to keep the baby._

He wanted to put his arms around her and tell her he would be the best father he could be to that child, no matter how her defects affected her life. He would make that child happy, he would make sure she knew she was loved... _He would do all of those things, if only Clara would listen to him..._

He didn't blame her for reacting with anger. He knew it had been a shock to find out about the baby like she had. Maybe some of her anger had been directed at him because he had been the one to break the news, maybe he had come across the wrong way when he had tried to make her understand the difficulties she could be taking on...

Then as he looked out into time and space, he knew what he needed to do – there was only one thing he could do:

He needed to go into the future and take a look, to find out exactly how that child's life would turn out.

He looked upwards as he spoke to the Tardis.

_"You know where I want to go. Take me forward, let me see how my little girl turns out."_

And he reached for a lever and threw it firmly, and the Tardis travelled forward, and then it softly landed...

* * *

><p>As the Tardis fell silent, he accessed the Tardis computer and watched as information came up: Clara Oswald had given birth to a daughter named Jet in 2015. The Tardis had taken him forward twenty years. He accessed all he could on Jet, and what he found confused him:<p>

_Jet had links to UNIT?_

She had been assigned bodyguards since a young age, and the rest was classified and would take too long to hack because he didn't want to waste time, he wanted to go out there and find his daughter...

A sudden thought hit him that maybe that poor mutated child was so crippled by her birth defects that perhaps she had to be protected because she looked so obviously alien... He felt his anxiety rising as he searched for more information.

"I'm so sorry," he said quietly as he thought of that child who had been born deformed, who had no chance of a normal life, who would never fit in here on earth...

_And then he found something else._

He stared at the screen, trying to make sense of the information he read:

As he read it, he then found a link to something else, and he accessed it.

As the Doctor read the information on the screen, as he took in the sight of his daughter grown up and turning out far from the tragic mutated cripple he had imagined, he started to laugh. As he laughed tears of joy filled his eyes, and he wondered how he ever could have been so wrong, how he ever could have simply assumed the worst because she was _different_...

For Jet, _different_ didn't mean less abled or written off, it meant something _else_, something amazing that he never would have imagined in his wildest dreams...

"I have been _so_ stupid!" he exclaimed, "I'm an idiot! How could I have thought the worst like that?"

And he left the Tardis, feeling elated and so proud he was sure that his pride and the love that he felt for his amazing daughter was quite possibly larger than all of the twelve galaxies put together...

* * *

><p>He stepped out of the Tardis and looked around, finding himself on the corner of a busy town centre. He looked across the road and smiled, then he patted the Tardis affectionately.<p>

"I get it now," he said, "I _know_ why you brought me here."

And he crossed the street and went into the music store, walked along the rows of CDs and searched until he found the section he was looking for.

Moments later the Doctor was at the checkout, he had a stack of CDs on the counter and was about to pay for them – then he glanced at the young woman behind him, noticed she had yet another CD he wanted, and she gave a gasp as he wrenched it from her grip.

"That was mine, it was the last one!" she said.

"You haven't paid for it yet!" he snapped, "And besides, I should have it anyway - " and he pointed to the young woman on the cover, a woman with long red hair and very human looking green eyes who wore a tiny, tight dress that covered slender curves, "I'm entitled to the last one – she's _my_ daughter!"

Then as the woman stared at him, he reached in his jacket for his credit card, and then he paid for the CDs.

And then the Doctor left the store.

* * *

><p>Once back inside the Tardis, he looked at the covers of every album – he looked closely, and then he started to smile.<p>

"You hide it..." he murmured, noticing the cleverly disguised contact lenses she wore were of alien origin, and gave the illusion that she had normal human eyes...

But there was one thing bothering him, and he knew he needed to find the answer:

_If he had married Clara, Jet's name on earth should have been Smith - and it wasn't..._

* * *

><p>Clara had stayed with her lover as he slept,and then she had been jolted out of her relaxed state as he suddenly coughed and drew in a sharp breath.<p>

He turned on his back and as he opened his eyes, he looked at her with frightened eyes.

"Clara...somethings wrong..."

He sat up, and the effort caused him pain, and he coughed again, and as blood sprayed the sheets he caught his breath.

Clara reached for a hand towel and quickly brought it to his mouth and wiped away the blood.

"I need help..." he gasped, "There's too much pain..." and he doubled over as pain shot through his body, and he coughed more blood.

Clara managed to get him out of bed and on to the chair, and as it reclined his face was pale and fear shone in his eyes.

"I want pain relief," he said breathlessly, "If this is the end, I just want the pain to stop..."

The screen jumped to life as the light passed over his body.

"Phase two implant treatment has failed," the metallic voice stated, "Do you wish to consider surgical options, or enter phase three, pain management?"

"Yes!" he gasped, "Pain relief, I can't take any more!" and then he gave a sob as more pain coursed through his body, going bone-deep. As the metallic shell closed over him and the machine put him under sedation to remove the implant and replace it with a pain relieving agent, Clara stood watching as her eyes filled with tears and her hand rested on her belly as she thought of the child the Doctor would most likely not live long enough to see...

* * *

><p>As she stood there feeling helpless as the machine switched her lover's medication, Clara heard her phone ringing.<p>

She hurried over to the bedside table and snatched it up, feeling a wave of relief wash over her as she recognised the Doctor's number.

"Doctor?"

Her voice was tearful, but he had not noticed.

"Clara!" he said excitedly, "Two things -"

"Doctor, listen -"

"Shut up, this is important! I went forward in time twenty years – well, the Tardis took me forward!.You don't have to worry about Jet, she's going to be just fine...in fact, she's going to be amazing -"

"_He's dying."_

Now the Doctor had heard her, he had heard what she said and heard the way her voice was broken up with tears.

"Are you sure?"

She sniffed and wiped her eyes, determined not to fall apart.

"He started coughing blood, he was in pain – the machine said the treatment has stopped working. He's chosen to go with pain management. He won't last long with that."

"Tell me what I can do to help."

She had been determined to handle this alone, but hearing those words sent her resolve crumbling, and she gave a sob.

"_You can't do anything!"_ she said tearfully, _"I'm losing him and its not fair, all he wanted to do was live long enough to see his daughter!"_

"And he will," the Doctor promised her "I'm twenty years ahead of you. I'll bring her back with me in the Tardis, I'll bring Jet to meet her father."

"Can you do that?" she said as emotion broke her words.

"Yes I can, and I will, Clara." he promised, and then the call cut off.

* * *

><p>As the Doctor ended the call, he thought about his daughter, here she was twenty years old, and he didn't even know what she had been told about the past. He was sure Clara would have told her everything, although he still wasn't sure why her last name wasn't Smith...<p>

"Take me to Jet," he said to the Tardis, and he didn't even have to throw a single switch as the lever turned by itself, and the Tardis took off, speeding towards another destination...

The Tardis landed again, and the journey had been a short one.

The Doctor went straight to the door and opened it, looked out and saw he was back stage at a huge out door concert. He could see the stage and the crowd beyond it stretched on as far as he could see.

And as the band stopped playing and the crowd cheered and applauded, there was one woman standing on that stage who had total control over the crowd. She stood there in a skin tight mini dress with long red hair that fell to her waist, her shoes were impossibly high and as she called out and told the crowd to give it up for her band, they did.

"Thank you Glastonbury!" she called out, and then she turned away from the microphone and hurried backstage.

The Doctor was staring at her as she walked quickly in those high, high heels, heading for the exit, where bodyguards and an armed member of UNIT stood in attendance.

_This was Jet._

_She was his daughter, he felt it in his twin hearts as soon as he looked at her – but did she know him as the Doctor? Did she know him in his Twelfth life?  
>He had no way of knowing, but he took a gamble on it...<em>

Jet had walked over to a bodyguard, who handed her a phone, and she smiled as she answered the call.

"Hello darling!" she said excitedly, "Yeah, it was great.. I've just finished, I've just come off stage. I'm on my way back to London now – I wish you could have been here today, I miss you so much!"

The Doctor watched, wondering who she was talking to.

"Love you too," she said fondly, and then she ended the call.

The Doctor grabbed his chance, hoping he was right and that Jet would recognise him, or at least, understand what the Tardis was.

"Jet!" he called out, and she looked around, and her human – looking eyes widened in surprise. Yes, she knew him, she also knew the blue box where he stood with the door open as he gestured to her.

"_You – Tardis, now!"_ He said urgently.

Jet turned to the bodyguards who were about to escort her from the festival, and she spoke to the one with the UNIT insignia on his jacket.

"Change of plan. Call my baby and tell him I'll see him later – I've got to go."

Then she turned back and hurried over to the Doctor in her high heels, taking little, rapid steps as she joined him at the open Tardis doorway.

"I thought you and Mum were meeting me in London at the weekend?"

The Doctor blinked.

_Him and Mum? So he was still with Clara after all these years?_

He guessed that he had got through the past twenty years without needing to regenerate, and had obviously not aged a bit due to the fact that he was a Time Lord...and Jet thought she was speaking to _him_, the Doctor from _her_ time, she didn't yet know he had come from the past, where she had not yet been born...

"Change of plan," he said quickly, "Get in the Tardis, we have to be somewhere."

She gave a sigh.

"Okay, what ever..." she replied, and she went inside and he followed and closed the door behind her, then wasted no time, throwing a lever and taking off, taking the police box far away from earth and the festival and up and away into the blackness of time and space.

As the Tardis vanished, the UNIT bodyguard backstage spoke into his two way radio:

"_Just confirming Jet has safely left... Yes, that's right – she left in the Tardis with the Doctor. She's with her father..."_

* * *

><p>As they stood together in the console room, Jet looked intently at the Doctor.<p>

"What's this about? I've just finished playing the Glastonbury Festival, what did you drag me away like that for?"

He turned from the console and smiled at her as pride shone in his eyes.

"Have I ever told you how proud I am of you?"

She smiled.

"All the time!"

"I am proud of you," he said warmly, "Who would have thought that unusual mutation to your vocal chords would have made you so famous? You're the biggest female musician on earth, you're bigger than Lady GaGa!"

She smiled again and laughed softly.

"Oh Dad, stop it, you're always talking like that! I know, I _know _I can sing!"

And then it hit him, and he blinked away tears of joy:

_She had just called him Dad..._

"I am _so_ glad to be out of there!" Jet exclaimed, "I can be myself now!"

And she jumped up and sat on the edge of the console, reached up and took off her red wig, dropped it to the floor and shook loose a long, thick shock of white hair that matched her pale skin. Then she kicked off her shoes, and finally she reached around the back of her dress, grabbed at a hidden patch and ripped it aside, breathing a relieved sigh as she freed her long, forked tail and it stretched up behind her, then it curved to dig into her hair and scratch, before flicking free again. As it floated behind her, it swished in a gleeful wag.

"So why did you pull me out of there?" she asked him.

Then she cautiously reached up and removed her contact lenses, blinking eyes dark as night as she looked it her father.

The Doctor stared at her. This was the baby he had seen on the screen, the mutant not yet born, and yet here she was – and she was beautiful!

"Got a box?" she asked, holding the contact lenses out.

The Doctor hit a panel on the console, it slid open and he stored the lenses safely inside it for her.

And she was still looking at him, with black eyes that clearly had perfect vision, silently questioning his reason for pulling her away from the gig like he had.

"Jet," he said as he stepped closer to her, "There's something you don't know. Yes, it's me - your Dad – but not your Dad as I am in your time. I've come from the past, where I'm from, your mother is still pregnant. You haven't been born yet."

Her eyes widened and she gave a gasp.

"You came forward to see me? Why?"

"How much do you know about the past?" he asked her, "How much do you know about the other Doctor, the man who conceived you?"

Her voice softened as she fixed her black eyes on him.

"I know he was brave. He wanted to stay alive to see me. And he died young, he had radiation poisoning. Then you came along and when I looked into your eyes, I understood what you was trying to tell me about regeneration. I could see him in your eyes I _knew _you was my Dad, just in a different body."

"Why didn't I marry your Mum?"

She looked at him in surprise.

"You did! You married her when I was seven."

"_Seven?_ Why did we put it off so long?"

She shrugged.

"Because my father – the younger version of you – died and then my mum needed time to get over that."

The Doctor's eyes widened.

"She's going to need _seven years_ to get over him? I have to wait that long?"

Jet seemed confused by that remark.

"_My father died when I was six."_

He stared at her.

"Six years old? That would explain why I told you about regeneration...but I don't get this, Clara called me and said he was dying...and you're not even born yet where I came from."

She ran her fingers through her white hair, and a ring on her wedding finger shimmered and dazzled in swirls of purple and amber, catching the light in a definitely unearthly manner.

The Doctor grabbed her hand and looked at the ring.

"This is an Izar diamond from the planet of Carina Halo – they can only be found close to erupting volcanoes... New ones like this shine for a thousand years – this stone is _new._ And Carina Halo burned up fifty thousand years ago. So _how_ did you get this stone set into a ring?"

Her black eyes widened.

"I must have picked it up at a flea market or something..."

"No Jet, don't lie to me – and it's on your wedding finger – it's an engagement ring!" Then he eyed her with suspicion, "Me in your time, me and your mum – we don't know, do we? Why haven't you told us about this guy?"

"I was supposed to be telling you both at the weekend," she told him, "I was going to introduce you to him."

"This is the one you told your bodyguard to ring? The one you call your baby? Who _is _your baby, Jet? Because I want to to know what kind of man can get hold of a stone, a brand new stone from a planet about to burn up and put it in a ring just for you. I want to know how he went back fifty thousand years to do that in the first place!"

And then his eyes widened as a horrible thought hit him.

"No...not him... did he come forward in time to find you because you're my daughter? You can't trust him, he's evil!"

"Who?"

"_Harold Saxon!"_

She looked utterly confused.

"Who the _fuck _is Harold Saxon?"

The Doctor glared at her.

"And I'll have none of that bad language in my Tardis, young lady! Who taught you to speak like that?"

She giggled.

"You did!"

His pale blue eyes were still wide with disbelief.

"Since when did_ I_ decide to teach you to swear like that?"

She gave a sigh and began to toy with a long, thick strand of her white hair.

"You and mum got together and decided to bring me up on earth. But there was some trouble with these aliens that wanted to suck up your regenerations, so you changed...you turned yourself human and called yourself Malcolm Tucker. You got a job working with the government – but UNIT knew all about it. Something went a bit wrong with the chameleon arch process, left you with a bad temper and a really sweary mouth! I picked up all your bad language!" and she laughed, adding, "You was still my dad though – you just became _Tucker the Fucker_ for five years!"

"Five years?" he exclaimed, and she smiled and nodded.

"Then you opened up this watch and suddenly you was my dad, the Doctor again. Then I found out what a Tardis was and how wonderful and exciting it was to travel through time and space. I had a great childhood, it was the best."

The Doctor was still looking at her intently.

"That's why your name is Jet Tucker and not Smith?"

She nodded.

"You'd already become Malcolm Tucker when you married my mum."

The Doctor breathed a relieved sigh.

"As long as I'm the one who marries your mum, that's all that matters," he told her.

Then Jet changed the subject.

"So why did you come to the future to find me?" she asked him.

As he looked at her, sadness shaded his eyes.

"I don't know anything about your father surviving until you're six," he replied, "Clara just called me and said he was dying. And she said more than anything, he wanted to meet you. _Jet, would you like to see your father one more time?_"


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Jet looked to the Doctor with wide, black eyes.

"Of course I want to see him again, I'd give anything -"

"So why did you never ask me to take you back just once? You know this is a time machine."

She frowned.

"Because you're my dad. And I didn't know if you'd understand why I wanted to see the old you again."

"Oh Jet, don't be silly!" he said kindly, "I would have taken you back any time you asked me. I understand."

As she sat on the edge of the console she looked down at the floor as she played with her hair again, then she flicked her tail around her waist and toyed with the tip of it, still avoiding his gaze.

"Yeah, but I don't think you'd understand everything."

And she let go of her tail and looked up and met his gaze and he saw guilt in her night-shaded eyes.

"Are we back to the subject of your boyfriend, the man you call _baby_?"

She wound a lock of hair around her finger.

"_Stop_ playing with your hair and your tail and answer me!"

She looked down at the ring on her finger.

"There's a reason why I haven't told you and mum yet. Even Auntie Kate said wait and break the news slowly -"

"Auntie Kate?" he exclaimed, "Who is – no wait, _Kate_... the Brigadier's daughter, Kate Stewart?"

Jet nodded.

"She said to tell you when the time is right, so you can see he really does mean it when he says he loves me."

The Doctor's eyes narrowed as he looked at her.

"I don't recall Kate Stewart ever being much of an expert on romance! And _Auntie Kate_ should have told me what was going on if there's a reason why I'm going to object to this guy – what's wrong with him? Has he been in trouble? Is he dangerous? Or is he just stupid, or a hanger on that wants to milk you dry of all your cash?"

She looked at him sharply.

"He loves me! And I love him, I want to marry him!"

"So_ why_ won't you tell me his name?"

She gave a sigh.

"You said you're taking me to see my dad...I just want to see him, we can talk about this later."

The Doctor looked down at the controls for a moment, gathering his thoughts. Then he looked up and smiled sweetly at his daughter.

"Okay, I give up. You're not born yet, I'm not your father until the other me passes away, I've yet to raise you and I've yet to understand your teenage rebellion and tantrums and all the rest of it. But that doesn't matter now!"

He was still smiling as he stepped closer to her.

"I've got a great idea, Jet! If you tell me who he is now, when you go back to your own time, me in the future will have had twenty years to get used to the idea! Don't you see? Telling me in advance, before you're even born where I come from, is the best way to break the news to me!"

And he smiled again.

She shook her head.

"Mum's right. When you smile and get sneaky and try and be all fake niceness, you probably _do_ hear music playing in your head!"

The Doctor's smile vanished and he glared at her again.

"And you're just as stubborn as Clara!"

"Thanks."

She smiled, but he did not.

"I want to know who he is. You're twenty years old, you're a huge music star, you're wealthy – I want to make sure this man is trustworthy!"

"He is," she said quietly, and then her phone rang, and she answered it.

"Hi baby," she said, "Yeah, I'm with my dad...in the Tardis...I can't really talk now..."

And the Doctor stared at her:

_Jet was taking a call on her phone, from her boyfriend back on earth, whilst travelling on board the Tardis?_

_How could that be?_

Jet was still talking. She wound her hair around her finger again and laughed, lowering her voice.

"_You wait till I see you again – you know I can't keep my hands off you! I'm going to turn you over and my tail -"_

"Shut up!" the Doctor said sharply, "Seriously Jet,_ shut up!_ That's too much information!"

"Sorry," she said, and then she spoke on the phone again, "I gotta go...love you baby..." she paused and the laughed, "No I love _YOU_ more!" and then she ended the call and kept a tight grip on her phone.

The Doctor was staring at her.

"Explain yourself, Jet. How can he call you while you're travelling in the Tardis? I know mobile phones have come a long way but they're not _that_ advanced in twenty year's time!"

She shook her head.

"It doesn't matter. It's just a really smart phone."

"Who gave it to you?"

"_He did."_

Now the Doctor was _really_ starting to worry.

"Is he alien?"

"He's human."

"Okay, that's a start, he's human and he says he loves you and he gave you a really clever phone. _Now tell me his name_."

And the Tardis landed, and Jet breathed a relieved sigh as she jumped down from the console and put on her shoes.

"I want to see my dad," she said to him, "I want to see him right now."

* * *

><p>Clara had heard the Tardis landing far up the corridor. She knew the Doctor was back, and he was bringing Jet with him, the child who was yet to be born, and she would walk into this room and then she knew she would look into the eyes of her daughter as a grown woman...but her thoughts were with her lover.<p>

After she had called the Doctor and told him the bad news, the Tenth Doctor's pain relief had started to work, and as it worked, his thoughts had cleared and he had been able to think rationally – and think past pain management being his only option...

He had clung to Clara's hand as he lay back in the chair and the unit had scanned him, and then explained what the other choice meant.

The surgical option was risky because he was weak, but it carried the chance that he might yet cheat death for much longer than expected – but that chance came at a terrible price.

_The Doctor had reasoned it was a small price to pay._

_Clara had thought the procedure sounded horrific._

But he had given his consent for the machine to work on him, and now he was resting in bed with a huge, deep scar across his belly that had been artificially heat sealed to speed up recovery.

As Clara sat beside him holding his hand, she didn't want to think about what the unit had done to his body. She pulled the sheet up to cover the livid scarring and he stirred and then opened his eyes.

"I made it, then?"

She nodded.

"The implants are all in place and the unit scanned you afterwards and said you're stabilising."

And he closed his eyes and breathed a relieved sigh.

"So its over for now...good, I can get some proper rest, I can recover and that implant deep inside me can start feeding me properly, and I'll put back the weight I lost. I don't care if the estimated survival time is five years, its much more than I could have hoped for."

"At a price," she said quietly.

He smiled.

"As long as I can still drink tea I don't care about the rest. I'm still here for you and Jet."

"The Doctor went forward in time – he's bringing her back to see you."

He opened his eyes again and turned his head and looked up at her in surprise.

"What, now?"

"Yes, now," she replied, and suddenly Clara felt terribly nervous as it hit home that she was about to meet her child from the future, who had not yet been born...

* * *

><p>And then the door opened and the Doctor beckoned to Clara.<p>

She got up, promised her lover she would be back soon, and she hurried out to meet him, her heart racing as she thought of the child still growing inside her, who she was about to meet twenty years on...

She was standing next to the Doctor.

And next to him, she looked so tiny, she was no taller than five feet, although her killer heels added a couple of inches at least. The first thought that struck Clara was that her daughter was strikingly beautiful. Different, but beautiful.

Then as she smiled, Clara's heart melted into a warm swirl of love as she felt the instant bond between them.

"Hello mum," Jet said, and she hugged her.

Clara held on, inhaling the scent of her her hair and knowing the feel of her skin was her own flesh and blood. It was her first experience of holding her own child, and as she let go of her tears of joy shone in her eyes.

"I can't wait for you to be born!" she exclaimed.

The Doctor smiled.

"Wait till you hear what she's been up to – she's a famous singer!"

Jet laughed.

"That's about accurate, and I'm not bragging." Then her smile faded as her thoughts turned to her father.

"How's my dad?"

Then all the joy that Clara had just felt on meeting Jet slid away as her eyes clouded with sadness. She pulled the door quietly shut behind her, and kept her voice low.

"The drugs stopped working so he switched to pain relief only, and he seemed to improve a bit. By that I mean he could think straight again. Then he looked into surgical options, and he had a procedure...I don't want to talk about it, I think its horrible..." she paused, pulling back her emotions as she stayed determined to keep herself together, "He's so weak, I think its going to kill him."

Jet blinked, and her dark eyes widened.

"No,_ no_ mum, you're wrong!" she exclaimed, "I_ know_ what you're talking about, I remember – this is going to keep him going, he's going to get better for a while...for a few years!"

Clara stared at her.

"You mean its going to work?"

"I remember years ago, you explained it to me – dad was ill from the radiation, and he had problem, he couldn't eat – so the machine took out his stomach and replaced it with cybernetic lining with a pump that gives him concentrated micro doses of nutrition – it's going to help him, he's going to put his weight back on and get his energy back!"

"Really?" suddenly there was look of hope in Clara's eyes.

Jet was very sure of what she was saying.

"Yes mum, really! He's going to get well, he's going to live a bit longer than the five years he expects -"

"No please," she said, "Don't tell me when I lose him."

"And those other implants he's had put in – those are all the meds he's _not_ allergic to. They'll _work_ for him. He's going to be okay. We get a few years with him. Don't worry, he's around for a while yet. He gets his food from the implant, I remember when I was little, I never ever saw my dad eat. He used to drink a lot of tea, but he never ate food."

"And then what happens?" Clara asked.

Jet opened her mouth to speak and the Doctor shot her a sharp look, and she read it correctly:

_No more information about the future..._

"Not now," she said quickly, "I want to see my dad."

The Doctor opened the door for her, and as she went inside Clara made a move to follow, but he caught her hand.

"Let her do this by herself," he said quietly, and then he closed the door, giving Jet some time alone with her father.

* * *

><p>Jet walked over to his bed and sat down.<p>

As she sat down he opened his eyes and looked at her in surprise.

"It's really you?"

She smiled.

"I've missed you, dad!" she said, and her voice trembled with emotion as she put her arms around him and hugged him. As she let go, she fixed a gentle, dark eyed gaze on him as he lay in his bed recovering from the surgery that would buy him some precious time.

"That operation you had, it's going to work," she told him, "You get more than five years, too – mum asked me not to say any more, but it does work."

His brown eyes sparkled as he smiled and suddenly the joy he felt seemed to cancel out his weakness.

"That's such good news! That's all I wanted to hear! And what about you, how are you coping?"

She smiled again.

"I'm a celebrity," she told him, "On earth, I'm a famous singer. I'm _really_ famous."

He still felt sore, but the Doctor laughed as he looked adoringly at his daughter, who looked so alien yet so beautiful with it.

"I know I won't live to see that happen, but I'm so proud of you, I really am. What else? Do you have a boyfriend?"

And she glanced to the door, then leaned closer to her father and showed him her engagement ring.

"I'm getting married next year. He's a lovely man, he really is -"

The Doctor looked in surprise at the ring.

"That's a stone from a volcanic planet that ceased to exist fifty thousand years ago! How did he get hold of a brand new alien diamond from the past?"

She looked at him knowingly.

"_Because he can time travel."_

The Tenth Doctor looked at his daughter thoughtfully.

"It must have been very dangerous, to go there and risk his life to get that stone. He must love you a lot. Tell me Jet, do I know him?"

And her dark eyes sparkled as she nodded her head. Then she took out her phone and began to access the web back on earth.

"I met him when I was on a world tour and UNIT needed someone to guard me – he joined UNIT just to volunteer!" and then she giggled, "Apparently, he walked in while they were having a meeting about it and said, _"I'm your man – I'll guard her, I volunteer!"_

Then her smile faded.

"I haven't told mum and dad yet. I think dad might go up the wall over it – he's going to think he won't stay with me, he'll think he's going to go off with someone else – but he won't, he loves me, he really loves me and when he loves someone, he's faithful."

The Tenth Doctor watched as she accessed her Twitter account, and then he smiled fondly as he saw a picture Jet had posted of her and her boyfriend – _Me and my baby,_ she had written, _hash tag_ _true love._

Joy shone in the Doctor's eyes as he handed the phone back to her, he had instantly recognised the man in the picture who was embracing her.

"I think you're like me," he said to her, "You're very passionate – and so is he. And I can see that he loves you, its there in his eyes. _I think you and Captain Jack Harkness will be very happy together_."

Then he laughed softly.

"You can't wait to marry him - on Twitter you've already called yourself _atMrsJackHarkness_!"

Her smile faded.

"But I don't think dad will like the idea. He's really protective and he thinks Jack will just sleep around with anything that moves!"

The Doctor gave a sigh.

"Not if he's in love. He's _very_ different when he falls in love – with a man or a woman, he's faithful when he's in a relationship. Don't worry, the other me will soon get used to the idea."

And then he gave another sigh as tiredness washed over him.

"I'm trying really hard to stay awake – but I can feel these implants kicking in...and I'm starting to feel better already."

"I'll stay till you fall asleep," she told him, and the Doctor closed his eyes and smiled as his daughter took hold of his hand, and then he drifted into a restful sleep, while Jet stayed beside him, watching him rest.

Much later, as the Doctor continued to rest, Jet had watched as his breathing became slow and even and the pallor that had shaded his face gave way to a warmer complexion, then she kissed his cheek, whispered goodbye and left his bedside, and made her way back up the corridor towards the console room.

* * *

><p>While Jet was on her way back to join her parents, the Doctor and Clara had been standing together in the console room when a sudden memory had slipped into place, and the Doctor had given a gasp as his pale blue eyes grew wide.<p>

"_What?" _he exclaimed, and Clara looked at him sharply.

"Is something wrong?"

"Oh yes, another memory has just hit me, thanks to Jet and something she just said to _Daddy!_ Oh no, I'm _not_ standing for this!"

The Doctor sounded furious.

"What's this about?" Clara demanded.

"The future -"

"Then maybe you should leave it alone, you're taking in an overly protective father tone of voice - and it sounds like you want to have a quarrel with her!"

"It's about her boyfriend!"

Clara shook her head wearily.

"Is he on drugs, is he after her money, is he an alien species you don't like, is he -"

"No, nothing like that -"

"Then keep _out _of her private life!" she said to him, "She's doing well in life, she's not stupid, let her make her own choices!"

"It's just that I would have wanted better for her."

"And she chooses who she loves," Clara replied, "Just like I chose to fall in love with the Doctor – with _both_ of you!"

He fell silent as he took in what she had just said.

"You _love_ me?"

"Oh shut up, I can't do this right now!"

"Hi guys," said Jet, and she joined them in the console room, and the conversation between the Doctor and Clara was set aside.

"I'm taking you home," the Doctor said to Jet, and he glanced to Clara, "You'd better go back and look after your boyfriend. I'll see you again soon."

And then he walked away, and Jet followed him out.

* * *

><p>"<em>Are you okay, dad?"<em>

Jet had asked the question as she tidied her long red wig, then paused to put her contact lenses back in. Then she pushed her tail back behind the concealed pane in her dress, gave a sigh and closed the hidden opening.

"Dad?"

He had set coordinates to return her home, and he threw a lever sharply as the Tardis groaned, and then he turned to her and fixed her with an icy gaze.

"No Jet, I'm _not_ okay. I'm worried about you!"

She gave a sigh as she stood at the console looking into her father's eyes.

"Oh not _this _bollocks again! I told you, my baby _loves_ me! Next weekend, you and mum are going to meet him!"

The Doctor's gaze was still icy as the Tardis travelled back through time and space.

"Perhaps I'd better explain," he added, "While you had a cosy chat with _daddy,_ the memory of that conversation slipped into _my_ mind!"

Her black eyes widened.

"_Oh shit..."_ she whispered.

"And I remember what you told my Tenth self! He might be okay with it, but I'm_ not_!"

The Doctor glared at her.

"_Captain Jack Harkness? You're engaged to the most promiscuous man in the known universe? No, Jet, I can't let this happen!"_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

As the Tardis drifted through space, the Doctor looked hard at his daughter.

"You can't do this, Jet. It's a big mistake."

"But dad, I love him!"

He gave a sigh.

"Oh Jet, you're too young to know what love is!"

Defiance shone in her dark eyes.

"And what _is_ the right age to fall in love?" she demanded, "Tell me that, at which point in your many lifetimes did you decide the moment was right to fall in love?"

Her question made him think.

"Well it just happened at various points in my existence, I didn't plan for it -"

"_Neither did me and Jack!"_

Father and daughter looked at each other as silence passed between them, and suddenly the look in the Doctor's eyes softened.

"Well I suppose I've got twenty years to get used to the idea of it – and when you get back to your time, I'll know all about it. I'll try to be nice. I'll give him a chance."

"_I love you dad!"_

She launched herself into his arms, giving him and unexpected, tight hug. But he didn't freeze, instead he embraced her and laughed softly as he let her go.

"I said I'll try to be nice. _Try._"

"And I know you will," she said to him.

The Tardis landed.

"You'd better go now," he told her, and he smiled.

"Say hello to Jack for me."

"I will," she said warmly, and he walked her to the Tardis door, exchanged a look of deepest love with her, and then she left.

As the door closed behind her, the Doctor went back over to the console, deep in thought...So Jet was going to marry Jack? She was right of course, there was nothing he could do to stop them. And maybe he shouldn't, because she had made a valid point about how no one really chooses to fall in love, it just happened.

He threw a lever and set off once more, this time on a course back to rejoin Clara and his other self, because if they were going to have a few years together, he wanted to say goodbye properly...

* * *

><p>The Doctor's Tardis landed close to Clara's place. He had gone forward in time by almost a year, hoping that he would find everything had worked out as Jet had said it would.<p>

_And it had._

The Doctor went up to Clara's front door and rang the bell.

She answered at once, she was thrilled to see him and her eyes lit up with joy.

"You've been gone for so long!" she exclaimed.

"I have a time machine," he reminded her as he stepped inside, "It's not been long to me at all."

Clara closed the door behind him, and then as his Tenth self joined them in the hallway he looked at him in surprise:

_Jet had been right._

_He looked well again..._

"Keep your voices down," he said, "I've just got the baby off to sleep."

Clara smiled.

"He's brilliant with her, he feeds her, changes her, gets her ready for bed...I hardly have to lift a finger!"

The Doctor smiled.

"Good," he said, "Make the most of this time."

The Tenth Doctor nodded.

"I intend to," he replied, and then his smile faded, "I'm glad you're here, Doctor. We need to talk to you about something."

And the Doctor followed them through to the kitchen, and the three of them sat down together at the table.

* * *

><p>The Doctor looked to Clara and his former self.<p>

"What's this about?"

"The future," his former self said, "Me and Clara have discussed everything and we've made a few decisions."

And he looked to Clara, and she nodded.

"Tell him," she agreed.

The Tenth Doctor continued:

"We want you to be around for us – mainly for Jet. It makes sense that she gets to know you because one day you're going to take my place."

After all the aches he had felt in his twin hearts for the long wait he knew he faced before Clara was in his arms, hearing this made his hearts ache again, but this time out of sadness for his former self.

"Are you sure about this? I mean, I can get back in my Tardis, go forward a few years in the blink of an eye and come back when you're gone...I thought that was what you might prefer."

The Tenth Doctor laughed.

"That's the last thing I'd want you to do."

And he took hold of Clara's hand and placed it over the Doctor's hand.

"_I want you two and Jet to be a family when I'm gone,"_ he said sincerely, _"It's my last wish."_

The Doctor looked in surprise at Clara, and she smiled.

"It's what we both want," she told him, "Really, its fine. We've made our plans. And I love both of you."

For a moment the Doctor struggled to speak. He had not expected Clara to end up with him under these circumstances, but he was glad of it, even if emotion had temporarily choked up his voice as he started to speak again.

"And I love you too," he said to Clara, and he looked to his other self and felt even more choked up that his younger self had smiled warmly on hearing those words.

Then a sudden idea hit him, and he smiled as he looked at the Tenth Doctor.

"How are you feeling these days? You look well."

"I feel well," he replied.

"Good," the Doctor replied, "Because I've got an idea – and if you like the sound of it, you need to do it now, while Jet's still a baby, leave her with Clara and make some journeys in your Tardis."

He looked back at him with confusion in his brown eyes.

"Where am I going?"

The Twelfth Doctor smiled again, and that smile reached his eyes.

"Take a trip through her time line. Think about it, you can visit her in the future any time you want. You can see her get married, you can see her children, you can do anything you want to do – that way she never has to say goodbye to you."

He stared to smile.

"Why didn't I think of that?"

The Doctor shrugged.

"Because you're too busy with bringing up your baby. Take some time out to get out there in the time stream, make as many trips as you can handle."

The Tenth Doctor exchanged a glance with Clara, and they both smiled.

"I think you should do it," she said.

He got up from the table.

"I'll start now."

Then he paused to kiss Clara goodbye, and then he left the room.

Moments later they heard the sound of his Tardis leaving on the first of many journeys into the future, and it was then Clara looked down and realised she was still holding on to the Doctor's hand.

"I do love you," she told him.

He smiled as his twin hearts warmed through with love.

"And you're worth waiting for," he promised.

* * *

><p>After that day, life changed in every way as the Doctor got into the habit of making visits to Clara and his former self, and each time he saw them, they made sure he spent time with Jet. The Tenth Doctor had made many journeys into the future, so many he had lost count – but it would ensure that he would always be turning up in Jet's life, even after he was gone. He had started the journeys at the point in time when she was twenty years old, and carried on from there. The journeys made him tired, but as long as his health held up, he was determined to continue with the plan.<p>

The time passed by, quicker for the Twelfth Doctor, who could jump forward in time by use of the Tardis, because his former self and Clara had decided to stay on earth for the time he had left.

_And that time lasted for six years, two weeks and four days..._

* * *

><p>When the call came through, the Doctor was alone in space in his Tardis, feeling an itch that only an addict would understand as he longed to go off in search of danger and adventure, because long ago when she had asked him that question, Clara Oswald had been right – his love of danger <em>was<em> an addiction. But it was an itch he dared not scratch, because he knew life was about to change forever...

The peaceful hum of the Tardis was broken by the sound of his phone ringing.

And as he picked it up and saw Clara's number flash up, he felt sad, even though his former self had enjoyed many more years of life than he had ever been meant to have, and he had spent six years with Clara and their daughter, and for most of that time, his health had been good.

But he knew it was bad news before he answered the call, he felt it as only a Time Lord could, that his other self was dying...

"Hello," he said as he answered the call, and the tearfulness he heard in Clara's voice made him want to weep.

"Doctor," she said, "He's losing the fight. Nothing works for him any more, not even the pain relief. It was so sudden. He's dying."

"I'm on my way," he replied in a hushed voice, and he stayed on the line as he threw a lever and the Tardis began on a journey back to earth.

* * *

><p>When the Doctor arrived at his destination, he let himself into Clara's place with a key she had given him a couple of years back, and then he closed the door behind him and walked up the hallway.<p>

_The house was in silence._

He didn't call out, didn't bother to look around – his former self was dying, and he knew where he would be...

He went through to the bedroom, the Tardis was in a cramped corner of the room, and the door was open.

The Doctor walked through the console room and then down the corridor, and opened the door to the bedroom quietly.

Clara looked up from her lover's bedside, and as their eyes met, in that moment the Doctor swore that when this was over, he would love her so much and so deeply that he would never see such pain in the eyes of Clara Oswald ever again. She looked devastated as she sat on the bed, cradling her lover in her arms as he rested his head on her shoulder. His eyes were closed and his breathing was coming in short, sharp bursts as he struggled to hold on.

"Where's Jet?" the Doctor asked quietly as he walked over to the bed.

"Asleep in her room," Clara whispered, and she held her lover tighter and stroked his hair as he continued to breathe with difficulty.

"Here in the Tardis ?"

Clara shook her head.

"In_ her_ room – in the house."

"Good," the Doctor replied, "When he dies, the regeneration process will start slowly, you won't even see it happening at first. But when it does happen, the Tardis will take off. You and Jet need to be out of here. That's the time to walk away to preserve the time line."

Then he stepped back and turned away, closing his eyes as he drew in a sharp breath and so many memories hit him at once it was overwhelming:

_The Tenth Doctor had enjoyed so much happiness with Clara. And Jet had made their lives together perfect. This time around, he would have a peaceful death, in Clara's arms..._

"I have to wait outside," he said, and he left the room and closed the door behind him, where he waited, leaning against the wall as he tried to hold back the tears that had suddenly stung at his eyes.

* * *

><p>The Tenth Doctor was resting in Clara's arms, his breathing grew easier and he opened his eyes and met her gaze.<p>

"It's been great," he whispered, "I had six years I never should have had. And those years have been the best."

Clara ran her hand over his hair again as she looked into his eyes.

"Don't start saying goodbye -"

"Clara, I know its the end for me," he said weakly, "But you will see me again and so will Jet. I made so many journeys into her future I'll never stop showing up. And you _haven't_ lost me. The Doctor is outside, waiting to take you in his arms and promise you that you'll never cry again."

Her eyes were filled with tears.

"I know that," she said, "But it doesn't make this any easier. I wanted you to live forever."

He thought of his daughter and smiled.

"When I kissed her goodnight, she didn't realise I'd be leaving. But I think the other Doctor will do a fine job of explaining it, she'll see me in him, she'll understand."

Clara held him tighter as he caught his breath and she saw a flicker of fear in his eyes, but then it was gone.

He drew in a slow breath and let it out, then took in another as he looked up at her.

"_Thank you,"_ he said warmly.

"What for?" Clara asked him.

He smiled again.

"_For everything, Clara, everything,"_ he whispered, and then he closed his eyes and breathed out for the last time, and as his body relaxed and fell heavy in her arms, she buried her face against his shoulder and gave a sob.

* * *

><p>Clara was still weeping when she was aware of someone standing behind her. He spoke her name and she raised her head from her dead lover's shoulder, and as she did so, the Doctor sat down beside her, placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her towards him, as she let go of her lover's body Clara slid into the Doctor's embrace, and he held her tightly as she wept, her tears soaking through the dark fabric of his jacket, all the way through to its crimson lining.<p>

The Doctor let her weep, he just held her until her sobs began to slow down, and then he ran his hand over her hair as he spoke to her softly.

"He's going to regenerate. He's going to become my Eleventh self, and then eventually, that man will become _me_. You haven't lost the Doctor. _I'm right here_."

"_I know."_ her voice was muffled as she pressed her face against his jacket.

The doctor helped her up, and Clara's eyes were red with tears as she looked up at him.

"What now?"

She sounded so lost.

"Say goodbye, and then leave this Tardis. I'll take you back home, you need to get out of here, Jet could be waking up soon."

She nodded, wiped her eyes and then leaned over the bed, looking at the Tenth Doctor for the last time.

"I love you so much," she whispered, and she kissed his cheek. Then she stared in alarm as, deep below the surface of his skin, an amber fire began to faintly swirl.

"Its starting already," the Doctor told her, "It's slower than it should be, because of all the toxins he's had fed into his body. But he's regenerating. We have to leave."

And he held his hand out to Clara.

She hesitated, looking back at the man she had loved for six years.

"Clara," the Doctor reminded her, "Jet needs you."

And then she caught his hand, and he breathed a relieved sigh, and then he led her out of the bedroom and down the corridor, through the console room and out of the Tardis.

* * *

><p>He closed the door firmly behind him and kept a tight hold on her hand as they left her bedroom, crossed the hallway and went into a pink bedroom, where six year old Jet was sleeping soundly.<p>

As Clara stood over her child's bed, the Doctor was still holding her hand.

"She's going to have an amazing future," he reminded her, "And she hasn't lost her father. All those trips he made into the future means she'll see him again, we all will."

And then she heard the groan and whoosh of the Tardis engines as the police box took flight, and she gave another sob.

"He's gone."

"Yes he has," he replied, "He's regenerating now. _He's gone, but I'm still here._"

And Clara turned to him and threw her arms around him and they stayed there together for a long time as she clung to him, holding him tightly, reminding herself that he was the Doctor now, and she had indeed not truly lost him...

As he held her, the Doctor longed to tell her how deeply he loved her, and to kiss her until the pain in her heart melted away – but it was too soon, she needed time, she needed time to heal the pain of her grief before they could enjoy the life they were destined to share together...


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

**Fifteen years later:**

The Doctor had got used to the idea of his daughter marrying Jack – he had got used to the idea slowly as the years had rolled by and that six year old girl had grown up exactly as the time line had already showed him – she was a successful musician – and she had turned out well, strong like Clara, and with her two hearts and the ability to regenerate - and the more he thought about it, the more it made sense that she fitted well with Jack Harkness, the man who could not die.

When he had learned of their love for each other, he had not been angry. He had smiled and wished them the best, adding quietly to Jack that if he _ever _broke his daughter's heart, he did _not_ want to know what the wrath of a Time Lord was capable of...

* * *

><p>And so on a summer day at a church in a location hidden from the press, the Doctor sat with Clara and watched their daughter exchange vows and become Mrs Jet Harkness. As they had said their vows, the Doctor had reached for Clara's hand and looked into her eyes and seen so much love there it reminded him of every beautiful moment they had ever shared, from the first moment he had taken her in his arms and then to his bed and they had made love for the first time.<p>

_Yes, Clara had been worth waiting for..._

And she was still beautiful and he knew he would never tire of needing her, of reaching for her, of loving her in every way a man could love a woman, and as he watched Jet and Jack exchanging vows, he realised something he guessed he should have noticed a while back:

Jet looked at Jack the way Clara looked at him, he saw real love in her eyes, and love in Jack's eyes too. It was then he realised he had _definitely_ been wrong to imagine this was a love that would not last...

* * *

><p>After the service, when they were outside the church, after the bride and groom had kissed under a shower of confetti, Jet pulled away from a kiss with Jack and caught her breath as her eyes filled with emotion and she started to smile.<p>

_"My Dad's here..."_ she said, and then as the Tenth Doctor walked over to join them, he smiled at his daughter.

"You're going to be seeing a lot more of me," he promised her, "I've just come from your past – when you were a baby and my health was okay. I made a lot of trips to the future, so you'll never have to really say goodbye to me again, I'm all over your time line, Jet."

She laughed and hugged him tightly, and then as she let go, he gave Jack a pat on the shoulder.

"I don't need to tell you to look after her, I know you will."

Jack smiled.

"It's good to know you have faith in me."

The Doctor gave him a knowing look.

"Faith has nothing to do with it. I went ahead and checked the time line, _that's_ how I know it's going to last!"

And then he smiled again and so did Jack.

"It's good to see you again," Clara said as she looked at the Tenth Doctor and memories came flooding back.

"You'll see me again next year at the music awards," he replied, "When Jet has her big night. I wouldn't have missed that for anything."

The Twelfth Doctor shot him a look of surprise.

"You know about that too?"

He laughed.

"So you've been checking up on her future as well?"

The Doctor's pale eyes narrowed slightly.

"Not another word, let her have some surprises in life!"

But Jet had already heard the conversation and she stepped away from Jack and joined them both, looking to both versions of the Doctor with interest.

"What music awards?"

The Twelfth Doctor said nothing.

"Wait and see," Clara added.

Then the Tenth Doctor smiled proudly at his daughter.

"Oh, it's just the Grammys...you're nominated more than once."

"Oh shut up!" His other self exclaimed, "Let her have the surprise when it comes!"

And Jet looked to the Tenth Doctor excitedly.

"How many do I get?"

He thought about it.

"No, I'd better shut up. Wait and see."

Then he kissed her cheek, and Jack leaned forward and also kissed his cheek as he said goodbye.

"I have to go now," the Tenth Doctor said, "But I'll stay longer at the music awards... see you all soon."

And then he turned and walked away up the churchyard path to where the Tardis was landed beneath the shade of a yew tree.

* * *

><p>Then the photographer asked for the guests to assemble for pictures, and as they stood together, Jet turned her head, and saw the Tenth Doctor was standing in the open doorway of his Tardis with a smile on his face.<p>

"How many grammys do I get?" she mouthed.

His eyes sparkled as his smile got wider and he held up three fingers.

"_Three!"_ he said excitedly, and she laughed as her eyes sparkled with joy.

Then as the Tenth Doctor continued to watch, he saw something else that gladdened his heart:

The Twelfth Doctor was standing next to Clara, when he tapped Jack on the shoulder and Jack looked around at him.

"_I'm sorry I ever doubted you," _he said, _"I know you'll make her happy. Welcome to the family, it's an honour to call you son."_

And Jack looked surprised, and then he smiled warmly as he and the Doctor shook hands.

And that was all the Tenth Doctor needed to see, he watched as they prepared to pose for the pictures, and then he went back into his Tardis and moments later it took off, making another flight into his daughter's future, and as he travelled on, he decided when he met up with the Doctor again at the music awards, he owed him a big hug and a thank you for suggesting he make these journeys:

_Now he would always be a part of Jet's life, he would miss nothing, and knowing that made him thankful for time travel, because now he could do this, death and regeneration were no obstacles at all; he would still be around..._

End.

* * *

><p><strong>Author note: <strong>

**Thanks for all the favourites and follows and yes I know this was a very emotional story, I hope all readers enjoyed the rollercoaster - there will be more from me soon - but I do I have another of my own novels to write. **

**More fics will be added on my next novel writing break when the fan fiction takes over :-)**

**But do expect more chapters to be added soon to my M rated fic Apologise - as and when I get ideas for chapters. Thanks for reading, reviewing and enjoying my fics - much love - Betty :-)**


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